SOMETIMES IT IS BETTER TO LET THE TIDES TO COME AND GO....A TRIBUTE TO BEVERLY OSU!

I  just read an interview granted by Beverly Ada Osu, our controversial representative at the just concluded 2013 Big Brother Africa show tagged 'The Chase', to one of Nigeria's reputable online social media platform.
Much as her revelations were interesting, but more interesting were the almost 100 comments that trailed the post. A quick analysis of the contributors who were mostly anonymous proved beyond reasonable doubt that we, Nigerians, are a people with a shifting conscience on principles.
Only few weeks ago, comments that trailed the young adventuress' escapade at the 91 days show of immorality and crass debauchery in far away South Africa on that social media platform and many others run by Nigerians, was inundated with curses, invectives and unsavoury write-ups that gave the world an impression that our dear Beverly had done the unforgivable by 'simulating' sex with another housemate and thereby bringing our nation's sense of piety to scorn and disrepute.
The general take was like the young woman's life was going to be snuffed out if she ever set her feet on the soils of Nigeria.

Now, barely a month after her arrival and granting an interview, the generality of those who posted comments were all praises for our great ambassador who had showed 'courage' and 'sophistry' by searing our sensibilities with her lewd stunts.
So whatever remorse Beverly should have felt for such affront committed towards our national pride as a nation of people with decorum has been washed away with the near wholesale endorsement of her delivery at the Big Brother house.
So I guess the lesson I take home after all is said and done is that I am free to misbehave and wait for the judgemental Nigerian crowd to fall over themselves with their self righteous cries of 'hullabaloo' and once they tire out (which is usually sooner than later) I can come back to take back my space in the community as one of their own.
Yeah, I guess it is okay to let the tides of criticism come and go, no matter the level of wrong I do because in the end 'we all are sinners'!

WHAT YOU NEED IS A ROBOT WITH A DICK, MISSY...

As much as I am a firm believer of the fact that a man's place in a mutually exclusive relationship is that of leadership, I am also a strong advocate of women's equal rights with all its confusing interpretations especially by a cross section of the Nigerian womenfolk. I long for the day when a woman will invite me for a date and buy me lunch! Yes!!

So believe me when I say I had an interesting experience lately with a young woman who is a staunch proponent of the women liberation movement; drives her own car, pays her bills, not afraid to voice her opinions, not afraid to strike up an affair with any man she is interested in, and definitely not afraid to 'put' a man in his place. Just believe me.

I was all in agreement with all the above characteristics of my lady friend until I saw a pattern playing out by our third day together. Things that made me put on my thinking cap and do a retake of the unfolding episode.

First, I realised that she had all her outings planned out with me in tow....as her driver. To buy a phone for a relative, to go movie watching, to attend a cousin's wedding event, to make her hair.

In between these chaperoning exercise, she had me holding her phones, carrying her bag, helping her open doors and taking photographs of her at every turn.

Next, she always had a comment to say about how I laughed or frowned in public, how funny looking my outfit was, why I hadn't picked up the phone after about two rings when she called or why I wasn't acting romantic by cuddling her when sand flies fed on her.

By the second meeting, I already knew enough not to encourage this control freak of a woman but what helped me decide to wake away from the emotional wreck was when she couldn't hide her jealousy and sense of neediness on the third day.

Agreeing to another exclusive date the previous night, I had run into a bosom friend who I hadn't seen for years. I had to put off the date for later to catch up on old times with my buddy and when she called to know why there had been a change in plan, I apologised and assured her we still had time within the day for the get together. Her remarks and display of tantrum which I had put on speakerphone for my friend to witness betrayed what an insecure, rebellious and dangerous person I had been dealing with.

After she hung up, my friend asked me what all the hullabaloo was about and I told him everything.

His words still linger in my mind till this day: 'Guy, what that woman needs is not a man friend. What she needs is a robot with a dick.....'

Yeah, I couldn't agree better.

 

 

WHEN IS SHARING NOT OKAY IN A RELATIONSHIP?

Now this post is going to hurt but I need to get some feedback.
So here goes: when is sharing not okay in a relationship, be it an affair or a marriage?
Or do couples in love have to share any and everything just because they have to build/maintain trust?
I have had a few friendships that the other party felt I had to share my privacy all the time. For example, I had to keep my phone unlocked so she could play some inbuilt games or view the pictures in the gallery. And if any call did come in while we were together, I had to debrief her after the call on who phoned and  what the gist was all about.
In some other case, I had to leave my boxes in the wardrobe open so that the lady in question could 'arrange' my stuff whilst I was out at work. Now, I can't say the wardrobe didn't look better after the arrangement but I know she did some serious ransacking of my personal effects to find out whatever I may have been 'hiding' from her.
How about when couples have to go out to public places and one of them decides to flaunt his/her 'possession' to the world so that people know they are an item without considering that there are moments when the other party just wants to be free to behave as an individual with  his/her preferences, idiosyncrasies and demeanours?
Does being in a relationship mean a person can't have a 'me' time? Do we have to lose our sense of individuality to be able 'reassure' our partner that we are being faithful and true to the game?

LET'S JUST KISS AND SAY GOODBYE....

As I took my shower this morning and recalled a recent conversation with an ex-lover who was trying to stage a comeback. The lines in an oldie sang in the eighties that said something like '....am gonna miss you, I can't lie.... let's just kiss and say "goodbye"' came to mind.
I don't know why but there is this feeling we all get about returning back to an old love affair, especially when we find out we aren't really getting fulfilment in a new one or when we believe we still have a fighting chance to take the centrepiece of our object of affection's hearts.
Why do former lovebirds go back to a shut door and try the handle once more when they know that whatever had torn them apart would still be lurking somewhere in the shadows because of a truth, people don't change.
I have come to accept this fact that what a person can't tolerate can't be endured for long and no matter how much patchwork is done, the cracks start to show, sooner than later.
If there was any antidote that would have stopped the lovers from going their separate ways the first time, it would have been applied to keep them together then.
And attempt to come back usually accentuates the positions of the 'winner' and the 'loser', judging on who is spearheading the comeback attempt.
when the pot has cracked, it should only be kept for use as a monument and never as a container to hold water.
So I hope to say to my ex when I meet her face to face, 'let's just kiss and say goodbye'!
What is past, is past....

I LOVE HOLIDAYS...DON'T YOU?

Hurray! It is a holiday and guess what? Guys want to have Fun! Yeah, fun in capital letters because as my people say, it 'didn't' Easy!
Now what is fun can only be defined by the individual as we all have different things that help us relax and unwind during periods of recess. Let's take a look at some ways we could choose to spend our free time this Ramadan season.
First on the list is taking your family and friends for a swim. Now, I know that majority of the people in our communities only relate with water in a cup but believe me, swimming has itsttherapeutic effect on body, soul and spirit.  Learning to  swim is one life skill I recommend for everybody. So, take out some time to take a dive.
Next, go watch a movie at the cinema. No, not home video or Africa Magic things out, mbok( i beg you, in efik Language)! Please, get out of the house and experience the effect of HD (High definition) visuals and sounds. If you don't have a Silver bird Galleria, you might as well take a trip to the next Town! Which brings me to third suggestion.
Travel! We live in an Internet age where so many things we would have needed to experience are served to us via our bouquet of gadgets but truthfully,  they don't really substitute for the real McCoy. You don't have to have Accra or Dubai in Mind just! Travelling to the next town or your village is bound to shift your paradigm.  If you haven't  left your community for another in the last 12 months, you are missing a very important part of education. Do yourself that favour, Please!
Lastly, read a book this holiday. I mean from cover to cover, page to page. Life is not worth much with the same level of knowledge you had yesterday. Books open your mind and strengthen your conviction on many of life's important issues. It may be magazines, weekly tabloid , gossip journals or even an online publication but read, you should. Develop your brain by increasing the content of information.
As for me, I plan to  do all four and some more which I wouldn't want to share with the public. And I hope you all make the most of the holiday in building bonds of friendship, love and respect as we all set out to catch some Fun! Selah!

ARE YOU HAPPILY MARRIED OR JUST PLAIN MARRIED?

Being a single man at my age comes with a lot trepidation, ridicule and outright ostracization. Depending on how well those around you know you, you are reminded of the 'irus' of single hood you carry in your blood, sometimes in a subtle way, other times with as much intensity to deflate your self worth as a human being.
Over the years however, I have witnessed a myriad of marriages which were contracted with the confidence that they were going to make the storybook 'happy ever after' series but alas!they are still just barely a shadow of all the couples had professed it to be.
I have surreptitiously pried into the lives of some of these people and found out that they were taken in by emotions and a false sense of wishful thinking. The underlying feelings were usually bordered around hope of what should be rather than analyse what the situation actually was with respect to shared values, shared dreams and shared destination.
Most of the lovebirds I investigated never really knew each other; yes, they may have dated each other for months or years but they never as much as discussed fundamental issues like money management, sexual compatibility, career/ business advancement, divorce, unfaithfulness etc...
They dive into a lifetime commitment with no foundation in place or rules of engagement to refer to when the storms of life show up as they always do. And only then do they realise that they are now faced with the dilemma of either walking  out of the relationship  and remaining sane or putting up a facade all in the name of remaining married.
So I ask all those who have had the fortune to bear the title of Mr. and Mrs., 'Are you trying happily married or are you just 'plain' married to feel socially accepted?'

DOUBLE DATING OR BACK UP PLANNING?

I just finished an interesting read on one of Nigeria 'site prime social media where the article highlighted a young lady's preference to have a second boyfrien/ lover as a 'back up plan' in case her number one boyfriend decided to act slly and ditch the relationship.
So I ask, will having another intimate affair be seen as a back up plan or a case if double dating?
We are living in a time when nothing is assured anymore.
People do not subscribe to that old time truth that  man's worth is tied to his words. Imagine the series of failed marriages over sometimes very flimsy matters even after the couples would have stopped before man and God to start that it was going to be 'for better or for worse'!
So for God's sake, is it any surprising when people have decided to 'arm' themselves in relationships to ensure they don't come out being lovers as though they were playing a game of chess?
Would we say a man or woman who takes the extra measure of ensuring that he/she doesn't get short changed at the end of a romantic ride is being 'unfaithful'?
I guess we all have our valid justifications either ways so I won't be the judge to give a verdict for or against.
But whichever side of the divide you choose, always give thought to the third party in the equation whilst you try to force your opinion down our Throats! Enough said

DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS: THE CRUX OF THE MATTER

With the world becoming more and more if of a global village it is quite understandable and unfortunate that a major victim of this phenomenon is relationship.
On one front, people are compelled by the search for a greener pasture or adventure to separate from their loved ones to another geographical area to meet that need on the other hand, technology has helped bridge the vacuum that such separations used to create as  people in long distance relationships can keep in touch through phones, e-mails and even video conferencing.
but truthfully, can we say that relationships, especially those defined in the context of marriage, betrothal or exclusivity between a couple, thrive well in a virtual state caused by distance?
My experience, and a review of responses from a cross section of individuals who have witnessed the resultant effects of such separation, up ports the notion that there is more harm than good that comes out from distant selection ship.
tell me this, how does a lover cope when he/she wakes up in the middle of a rainy night, all cold and in need of a warm body to hug when the other party in the love equation is seven oceans away? How does one handle the sadness that greets a person who runs home after  victorious outing in an endeavor as he/she opens the door to his/her lonely house and there is no on to smile with and show the trophy won?
How does a person cope when there is the deep urge for a physical shoulder to cry on when the whole world seems not to care about the travails he/she is going through trying to stay alive and sane?
How does a person in a committed relationship ignore a proposition from someone close who is doing everything to remind you of what you are missing and pretending as if it didn't matter when you are faced with an option of a sting a little of the 'forbidden fruit', even if for a little while till all becomes 'normal' again?
Someone tell me, please.....

FINALLY, PROPOSICALLY...P-SQUARELLICALLY

The latest gist making d rounds is that one of our official bachelor's has thrown in the towel.
Peter Square, one of the duo of the P-Square home musical band has officially two proposed to his girl of over seven years with two kids in town.
Well, I guess all we can say from here is 'Congrats, dude for taking care of family business personally, Romantically!
For more updates visit the million social media sites in Cyberspace! But make sure you visit Linda ikeji's blogspot and read through the Comments! You Go laugh tire, I promise you all...

FROM A HUSBAND TO A JAILBIRD TO AN EX-CONVICT......

Borrowing a line usually recited by practitioners of my faith, it is with Jesus joy that I intimate you all that the Lagos state government has passed a law that sends any Mike Tyson oriented husband to jail, for battering his wife. Hurray! It was about time, you Know!
No doubt, this news must be sending shivers down the spines of every Lagos based pugilist husband and it lover but they shouldn't fear that they are alone on this one because it is only a matter of time before the remaining part of the country adopt this landmark legislation that will serve as antidote to the rising spate of domestic violence.
Two scenarios that may however fall out of from this undertaking make me want to appeal from the proponents of this law. Firstly, whose definition of 'battery' will the law enforcers accept whereby a report is made by a wife/female lover who obviously has no tell tale signs on her body to show that her man just finished practicing the latest 'hooks' on her? Judging from what we hear happens abroad where a woman set up her man to settle some domestic dispute, are we not about to see the opening of the floodgates to untrue and concocted reports lodged by opportunist women wanting to do their men in?
Secondly, if and when the man gets sentenced, can that be taken to be a prelude to commencing divorce actions? For the woman who gets to send her husband to prison would you open your arms and take back your man when he returns from sing-sing, hopefully a more civilised dude now, and be proud to show him off as your rehabilitated, ex-convict husband?
I guess only time will tell as we watch with bemusement at our dear nation plays catch up with other 'civilised' nations of the World!

HOME, SWEET HOME....

It has been seven wonderful days in the city of Lagos and I must say it was a big learning experience for me.
First, the four days intensive facilitators training workshop hosted Deloitte was world class and the model used was something so brand new to all the participants. And for me, having a white lady tutor me was a new experience altogether.
Surely, there is this thing Lagos does to its visitors that makes you have a dejavu feeling when the moment comes whenever you have to say goodbye and that is how I feel right now as I head towards the airport to leave the bustling metropolis and return home.
I love the Lagos feeling, not minding the traffic situation that leaves one exhausted, the never ending rush hour madness that flows from dawn to dusk,

the scheming dispositions of merchants to fleece you, the lack of agape love as 'nobody bring you come eko' , and an atmosphere  of  near success that may very well be the only consolation prize of many  of the residents of this great city of opportunities.
As I leave Lagos, I relive the experience and draw an analogy that makes me conclude on behalf the many visitors that come and go, that the city is reminiscent of a weekend escapade with an experienced mistress that leaves you fired up to run back to the arms of your legally married wife back home.
So, adios eko and welcome Uyo, my home, sweet Home!

IN LOVE WITH A SINGLE MOTHER...ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT?

Now I can't help to make this confession online but I have been giving much thought to why most bachelors I know shy away from getting involved with single mothers, whether unmarried or divorced, talk less about going to the altar with them.
Personally, I share their fears but in recent times I have met such loving single mothers who after some interaction, get to make me see that they were either  victims of circumstance or love or both!
In our deeply culturally entrenched society, it is quite understandable why most unmarried men would not want to get involved with women who may have a child or two. The general perception of the African culture towards such relationships will tend towards stigmatization of the man as not being 'man' enough to get himself a 'fresh' 'damsel.
Next will be general fear by the man's family members of the inevitable involvement of the child(ren)'s father in the suitor's family sometime in the near future as it is more or less a given fact that runaway fathers always do come around the bend to re-establish the paternal bond with their once abandoned flesh and blood.
But I believe the most worrisome reason working against such unions is that the single mother, probably because she had come to gain acceptance and affection from her child(ren) particularly at the moment of her lowest points in life, tends to show more love and even allegiance to the child(ren) than to her new man. She is usually torn between attending to needs of either of her objects of affection and in most cases, takes sides with her past than with her future.
Thankfully, we Africans are imbibing all that is foreign and western and as such I see a light at the end of the tunnel where a couple in love will be walking down the street with the lady's kid in tow comfortably calling out to the man 'daddy' without anyone raising eyebrows because in the end everybody deserves a second chance in the game of love!

IN SEARCH OF NIGERIAN VIRGINS!

I wasn't there o, but I can imagine how this wahala of child marriage started and finally got played out in the upper chambers of our legislative House.
It must have been during recess when most of the 'honorable' men of the senate had assembled at the convenience to make some water that conversation brought about more conversation.
Senator Y from Zamfara: (doing his thing at the shank, he throws a glance at Senator V's 'powerhouse') Walai, Pictor, your abunna is bery big! Chai...ip yu fut am por yarinya abunna, geskiya, the thing will tear!
Senator V: My brother, I wish that were true but I tell you the truth, I am yet to tear any abunna o! These days, we don't have tear rubber yarinyas again!
Senator M from Sokoto: ( standing on the other side of Senator V,from Cross River) Kariane, walai! Pictor, you mean you have neber sampled Presh abunna in Abuja, ne?
Senator V: Abuja, Lagos, Calabar, Port Harcourt...I have never tasted new 'something' before. I don't believe they are any virgins in Nigeria after the age of 18. It seems our young girls are in a hurry to throw away the thing nowadays. Or Senator Y, have you 'teared' rubber before?
Senator Y: (laughs out loud as he strokes his goaty) My prend, I used to be like you bepor bepor, looking por stainless yarinya from damaturu to gusau but no luck. I became desperate sotay I travel to Cairo to find one sweet 13-year old yarinya beside river Nile. Walai, our pest night together gave me insight to how sweet the 72 virgins in heaven will be.
Senator V: 13 years old? Is that not against the law? The constitution says a girl should have attained the age of 18 years before getting married!
Senator Y: Haba, My prend! That is why I travel to Cairo now, you see? If no virgin in Nigeria above 18 years and the law doesn't want us to marry virgins under 18 years, what else can we do than to travel abroad to source por 'raw' material? (he gives an earth shaking laughter)
Senator M: wait o(light bulb goes on in his head)! If it is true that we don't have virgins in Nigeria above 18 years, can't we amend the law to reduce the eligible age for females to marry so that we can all enjoy Yeri boy is enjoying without causing capital flight?
Senator Y: Shikena, walai! That is exactly what we should do, Machi, my aboki! That way even Vico and his southern brothers can enjoy something Presh por once!
Senator V:  Distinguished gentlemen, I think we should not rush this.....
Before anyone could say ' child abuse', the two senators had gathered 33 other of their like minded 'honorables' in the male convenience to set the agenda for the next session of the hallowed chamber!

7 THINGS TO WATCH OUT FROM YOUR WOULD -BE SPOUSE

GOOD GIRL, BAD WIFE COMING UP....www.360nobs.com/2013/06/seven-signs-that-your-girlfriend-would-make-a-bad-wife

WHAT'S ALL THIS FUSS ABOUT YERIMA AND 13-YEAR OLD BRIDES?

There was the Yoruba adage I was told many years ago whist dong my national assignment somewhere in the west that had the moral that it was a much more dangerous thing to understand a foreign language partially because there was always the possibility of misinterpreting what was being discussed most times.
In the last three days there has been a flurry of campaigns on the social media accusing our senators of endorsing child marriage ostensibly being advocated for by the Nigerian senator who imported a 13-year old bride from the land of the Pharoahs some years back.
While not holding brief for the distinguished 'cradle snatching' legislators in the midst of those occupying the hallowed chambers, I dare say that those crying 'wolf' should take out time to read the areas in the constitution that this contentious  issue was dug up from. Sadly, Nigerians don't read even though we all can speak the Queen's language so I don't expect people to take the pains to review the issue dispassionately by consulting the pages of our constitution.
Be that as it may, we shouldn't expend energy flogging a dead horse because if there are two areas Nigerians will never change their deep rooted convictions about, they would be the areas of ethnicity and religion.
So if a culture or system of belief supports the longings of full grown men taking on toddlers as wives, no amount of fussing via twitter, Facebook, blackberry, e-mails and what have you to the United Nations, U.S senate, the Russian Duma or the Afghanistan Taliban will invalidate this reality because at the end of the day when the baby bride's parents will be giving her away, we will not be there in person to applaud or throw stones to register our presence!

COME 2015, BEVERLY OSU MAY BE THE MINISTER OF EDUCATION AND TOURISM

I would not be saying anything new about the show of shame aired by Big Brother Africa a few nights ago where the South African representative was washing his fingers in the honeypot of the Nigerian representative, Bevely Osu.
Not being a fan of the show from its inception, I have only relied on the several narratives red from many online posts about the sordid episode. The hullabaloo across the various social media platforms  I took time to review were all unanimous in their denouncement of the pornographic clip. But sadly for most of my compatriots, this is where the story will end. Not so?
We Nigerians pride ourselves as custodians of morality and quickly frown at any show of indecency or lasciviousness when we confront it. Or so it seems until you take a critical look look at our collective value system.
I recall that when last year's representative, the silicon breasted Karen returned from 'doing the nation proud', she was hosted by one of our country's minister and pounded accolades for representing us well.
I believe that with Beverly raising the bar in the department of obscenity and debauchery, her return will be heralded with an OFR award from the presidency, a tour of duty with the presidential campaign team throughout 2014 in order to rally the youth, and ultimately a juicy post as the minister of education, because she has so much to teach us about self reliance and maximisation of the use of scarce resources or minister of tourism, because she knows how to attract foreign direct investment(FDI).
I am willing to bet my next month's pay that this is the career path that awaits Beverly on her return because I know my countrymen and women....when it comes to crying 'wolf', their bark is bigger than their bite and as such Beverly's disgraceful act will only get the hypocritical snigger for a night before she is crowned a 'good ambassador' of our great country, Nigeria.
So, let me start by giving it up to our dear 'honorable' Beverly Osu.....

WHEN OGA MADAM WILL BE ON TOP.....I WILL BE ON TOP!

The  21st century work place is literary a corporate jungle: short and simple!
If  you are one of the lucky few that make up the less than 20 percent of people in the world with a paid employment either in the public or private sector then you would have noticed that the gender demographics is seriously tilting towards more female career advancement in the workplace.
Surprised? Don't be.
There are many empirical evidences to show why we are witnessing a stronger feminine presence in the corporate world ranging from the fact that more girls are enrolling into schools and staying through to graduation, organizations are implementing the affirmative action policy that keeps a fraction of the work space exclusively for females, a resilience on the part of some of these women to  sacrifice many of those 'traditional' roles that competed with their time to develop their careers and lastly, the surreptitious use of the 'bottom power' to bulldoze their way to the top.
Now my interest is in the 'bottom power' premise. These days, I see young ladies, married and unmarried, not being discreet about having affairs with their superiors in order to gain favoritism and undue advantage in the office. No doubt, many of them have the qualification and even the competence to rise to the top on their own but since there is a lot of convenience in using the escalator than climbing a flight of stairs, many of them jostle to add 'bed warming' as an additional skill set to their curriculum vitae.
With more and more of them are knocking off men and taking over decision making positions which is commendable if you are a believer of the philosophy that says 'the end justifies the means', there will get to the time when women will form the majority of staff in the formal sectors of the economy. They will become a majority in the boardrooms, executive management and the general workforce while the men will have to gain relevance in the non-structured infomal sectors like entrepreneurship, agriculture and perhaps, baby sitting.
By then, those of us males who will have jobs in the formal sector will become prized possessions because our 'oga' madams at the top will need us a Personal Assistants (for home and abroad functions)and office spies to check on their scheming female surbodinates and help keep them in line.
By that time, lucky dudes like myself would enjoy the scene from above because we will also be on top of things...with our 'Oga Madam' at the top!

EBUKA'S SHRINE WEDDING PLANS-REPOSTED

WHAT'S THE HULLABALOO ABOUT BIG WEDDINGS SEF? Hope you enjoy this post from a senior Bachelor who has his head screwed on tight! Why all the fuss about 'big' budget wedding ceremonies? Follow the link, read Ebuka's take and Drop a comment.... thanks

IF YOU ARE SINGLE AND ABOVE 25, YOU MUST MARRY.....EVEN IF IT IS FOR A DAY!

If you are single and above 25 years of age and not yet married, you might be in trouble and not even realize it yet! Why? Okay, let's go there.
Have you not noticed the looks of your age mates who have tied the nuptial knots when you stroll into their midst? Or have you failed to understand the innuendoes that belie your parents, pastors and other 'concerned' older wellwishers' statements when they hold you down in a conversation about settling down and the accompanying 'favour' obtained from the Lord? If so, you must be a learner or worse still, a diehard, unrepentant bachelor/spinster.
Never mind the fact that you may be pursuing a life's goal or ambition that may require your full concentration to achieve, or that you may not have met the one person that fits into your life's plans, or the growing incidences of divorce within 2 years or less of marriage amongst newly weds, or the real cost (emotional, financial, even environmental) of getting married.....if you are not married, especially once you have crossed 25 years, you are not worth sitting on the table of 'responsible' men and women!
It is either you are promiscuous or short sighted about your future or that you are ignorant about the 'purpose' for which you are created.
Take it from me, on that table for  'responsible' men and women, you-the single man or woman, are ranked far below a a divorcee, a wife batterer, an unfaithful wife, a polygamist and even a single parent- at least they have proof of being 'fruitful'!
So whilst you are still fooling around pursuing that additional degree, or making a go at your career, or devoting your energies to building a business that you hope will put your future family above the $1- a-day survivalist packs, remember this, all your achievements don't mean jack at teh end of the day if you are not married...even if your marriage lasts for a day!

GIVE SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR TOMORROW....

As usual work days, especially Mondays, are a drain on my spirit! And I am too convinced I share the feelings of thousands, even millions of hard working people in Nigeria, Africa, the whole world!
For me, it is not that I am not well renumerated but in recent times the realization that I am stuck in a rat's race job that conflicts with my values, knowledge and skills sets plays on my mind to the point of stupor!
I wake up dazed, go to bed dazed, resume at my desk dazed, hurry back home dazed all inthe while thinking when this asphixiating roller coaster will stop so I can get off.
With younger and more qualified (or should I say certicated!?) people stepping into my industry and being assigned supervisory roles over and above those of us who have had to earn our keep by sweating through the ranks, the frustration of being told what to do by a boss who resumed as your trainee only a few months ago is something worth giving more than just a passing thought to!
I understand that the global crises has had its ripple effect on local economies, governments and private institutions so as such any one with a semblance of a 9-to-5 job should be thankful to the Almighty. But I ask, where is the dignity in being a willing slave of a system that neither caters for your needs today, and damn well cares far less about your well being tomorrow, when you will have been spent and useless even for yourself?
If you don't have people who had worked so hard for the system and retired around you, you may stop by at my place! I have my two retiree parents who gave their all but now have to hold night vigils to get their dues from their former employers.
So on an end note to all you hard working, 9-to-5ers, who believe that by some stroke of luck or grace or favour, your pot of gold will be waiting for you at the end of the rainbow after your work life, do yourself a favour and give some thought about your tomorrow!
Moral of the story? Have a retirement plan, that's all!

DRIVER, WHERE IS THIS BUS GOING TO?

I boarded a taxi going out of town yesterday and whilst we waited for the vehicle to fill up, a couple of the passengers, both young ladies in their twenties hung on their mobiles in some romantic conversation.
Their discussions over the phone could be heard by all, so you could imagine how I felt to overhear both girls telling their supposed lovers that they were embarking on journeys to different  destinations  respectively from where our taxi driver was taking us to.
An old joke came to mind which I ended up sharing with them after they dropped their calls.
A certain man boarded a transport service heading to Lagos and after covering good distance towards their destination, his fellow passengers started making phone calls all around him.
One of the callers told the other person on the line that he was heading towards Abuja for an important meeting with the Minister.
Another caller was apologizing to a disappointed lover that his mother had taken ill and that he was on his way to the village somewhere near Calabar to be by her side.
Yet another was cursing over the phone, obviously to his staff  and threatening him that he was on his way to Port Harcourt 'immediately' to 'deal' with the errant subordinate.
When a fourth passenger's phone chat indicated that he was heading to the airport to board a flight out of the country, the poor Lagos bound passenger had to scream blue murder and vehemently request from the where the vehicle was heading to?
So for those of you serial 'story tellers' who tell tales whilst on phone just to suit the moment, don't be oblivious of persons who may be eavesdropping on your conversation because you may make some of us who may not be that bold to ask the driver, 'where is this bus going?' to alight and take an alternative route to our destination! 

GOOD SEX VS LOVE MAKING..... WHAT IS YOUR TAKE?

What is the definition of good sex? -by BELLA NAIJA.              Good morning, peeps! I hope you take out time to read this article on www.bellanaija.com and go through the comments posted for some sex education! Have a swell, Wednesday!

THE MIS-MARRIAGE OF JENIFA: ANOTHER WEDLOCK BITES THE DUST.....

I am hoping this is the usual rumor that bad belle people circulate just to spoil the reputation of our hard working celebrities but I just read about 'Jenifa's' marriage hitting rock bottom recently.
Now, I don't think it shocks people anymore when the marriages of celebrities crash even before someone can say 'forever after'.
What me thinks is that these celebs think it is more honorable to have been there, done that and have a post script on their CV that reads 'was once married...'!
We are living in the end times, as my church people will say, so we should expect any and everything but going into the institution of matrimony with the expectation, perhaps conviction that the whole charade would not last is really taking the concept of civility and freedom to a whole new level.
Without putting blame on either the men or women involved, I dare say couples should start being a little more scientific in their analysis of their prospective marriage partners. The fallacy that issues that pertain to matters of the heart be left only in the realm of emotions and feelings is simply that: a fallacy!
Lovers, or people in serious relationships need to truthfully assess each other perhaps with the the help of therapists and or marriage cousellors before they jump into the pool of lifetime commitments. More importantly, they should give serious consideration to red flags pointed out by interested family members, friends and even the professionals in order to avoid going ahead with a project that has all the written signs of a Titanic'.
Unless, of course there is  another motive to getting married to a loved one than to live 'happily ever after', the marriages of our celebrities are not exempted from successful ventures consummated with the cardinal motto being 'built to last'!

SINGLE FATHERS TRENDING.....

I believe this write up is long overdue having been an issue that has been bothering my mind for quite some time now.
Let me start by listing a few of the single celebrity fathers here in Nigeria.
1. P-Square (Peter and Paul Okoye)
2. Seun Kuti
3. Timaya (Enetimi Odom)
4. May D (Mayokun Dumila)
5. Terry Gee ( Gabriel Amanyi)
6. Wizkid ( Ayodeji Balogun)
7. Ice Prince (Panshak Zamani)
8. Olamide 'Badoo' (Olamide Adedeji)
9. Sauce kid (Babalola Falemi)
10. Tuface (Innocent Dibia, prior to his wedding to Anne Macauley, mother of two of his six kids)

Now this list is not exhaustive but surely does represent a trend that is gaining acceptance amongst Nigerian celebrities. Notice that the list only picks out young, single and rich young men under 40 who have had children out of wedlock but who are well padded to give their ladybirds and babies a lovely home /family life but for whatever reasons have opted to enjoy the best of two worlds!
It is not an arguable fact that today's 'Stars' have very little  to offer in the way of role modeling, preferring to blaze the trail of antisocial behaviors and idiosyncrasies but I believe common sense should prevail on them the need for a serious level of accountability first, to their offsprings who will bear the stigma of being called names ,and secondly, their teaming, young fans who are bound to follow suit in proliferating children who may never enjoy the joy and security of a foundationally sound family setting.

A CASE OF THREE ANGELS....

On Thursday, I had to take a flight to Lagos, Nigeria's commercial nerve centre for an interview and like always I had the 'normal' belly cramps that comes with the fear of flying.
All week long as I contemplated having to make that journey, I took every step to reconcile with my Maker, knowing that I would be nearer Heaven for most of the one hour journey, airborne.
My prayer all week as I thought of the journey ahead went something like this; 'Lord, give me an angel to take charge of me as I journey through clouds!Amen!'
And guess what?
Of course! The Lord answers the prayers of His saints!
The answer to my prayer came in a threefold measure. Yes, three angels were assigned to me on that trip.Hallelujah!!
Now let me explain.
Firstly, as I got scanned and ushered into the departure waiting lobby, I spotted Reverend Akan Weeks, a renown city Pastor who was scheduled to fly on the same plane, having a chat session with a couple. His presence brought some calm to my spirit as we soon queued up to board the plane.
On the Tarmac, my eyes settled on the imposing figure of Evangelist Uma Ukpai, arguably Nigeria's biggest and most decorated Evangelist dressed in an all white lace native wear and strolling towards the plane from the V.I.P lounge.
Now the sight of this great Man of God drove away all the remaining bout of fear from my spirit. Surely, there was no way this plane was going to fall out of the sky....not with the host of angels accompanying God's General on this flight!
I took my seat 18a, by the window on board the Aero flight 152J and soon flipped open the book i had carried along to help keep me distracted along the way but as the Lord would have it, a gorgeous looking damsel strolled throgh the aisle and just as I muttered a line of prayer for her footsteps to be ordered aright, she collapsed into the seat next to me! Now, this was a better distraction. An angelic distraction, you might add.
And what a tranquil flight it was all the way....airborne, with three angels on my case!
Who says I don't serve a living God that answers prayers?

Mercy Johnson is still our own bad ass MJ!

We all know that the initials M.J belongs to the one and only Michael Jackson, the 'Bad' and 'Dangerous' pop music idol that passed away some years ago but in Naija, we have our own M.J....Mercy Johnson!
Now, here are 10 things you may not have known about this screen diva:
1. Her full name before she married was Mercy Johnson Shola.
2. She was born on 28 August, 1984.
3. She is a native of Okene in Kogi state of Nigeria.
4. She has acted over 100 Nollywood movies to date.
5. She has over 98,000 likes on her official Facebook page.
6. She has over 91,000 followers on Twitter.
7. She won the award of Best supporting actress at the 2009 African Film award.
8. She won the award for Best actress at the 2013 Africa Magic viewers' award.
9. She was happily wedded to Prince Odianosen Okojie on 27 August, 2011.
10. She was one of the top Nigerian celebrities who visited the ailing music producer, OJB, diagnosed with kidney problems recently. She gave an undisclosed sum as donation to his cause!

Hhhhm! I guess we can all say, our feature celebrity is a good, bad gal!

So, join me to salute one of Nigeria's Nollywood product...Mercy 'Mrs. Philanthropist' Johnson!

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.....

I know the whole of Africa is busy feeding on the so called reality show called Big Brother Africa but that isn't what am talking about.
For all of you who have come to rely on the internet and your smart phones, androids and digital gadgets that connect to the information superhighway as a tool that gets you by on the daily, I am trying to prick your senses on the unfolding reality that in this information age, your secret is no longer safe. No thanks to the enfant terrible, Mr. Snowden, the turncoat CIA operative who brought the fact to the knowledge of the world that Big Brother USA (trading in the name and style of the NSA) have their eyes, ears and heart on everyone's case.
How does that concern you, right? Well for starters, it means you can be fished out from the over 7 billion people walking on the surface of the earth if Big Brother really needs you, anytime, anywhere!(like EFCC go talk).
Okay, you think you are a law abiding citizen so they won't come for you right? Wrong! It means that if the System wants to set you up like they do in the movies where a man goes to sleep as an innocent man today and wakes up the next day becoming the most wanted, they can. With enough details about your person, you can be easily profiled to look like the criminal you so despised yesterday that you would gladly submit yourself to be guillotined.
And what of all you guys and ladies who keep virtual relationships where you escape to for a little flirtation? How would you feel to see a transcript of your unedited text messages to your boss's mistress being forwarded to your missus' e-mail from an anonymous person ostensibly to make you realize the need to compromise on that awarding that contract to Mr. Pull-strings, who has connections to the Establishment?
You don't need to be convinced by this write up that your every move on google, Facebook, yahoo, LinkedIn etc via your laptop, iPad, blackberry phone, Samsung galaxy tab etc, is being monitored but do yourself the favour to keep your nose (and ass) clean every time you press the 'send' button on your device because surely, Big Brother is watching!

8 HABITS THAT TAKE LOVE HIGHER......

I was just ruffling through my pile of old magazines and stumbled on the June, 2003 edition of Cosmopolitan. Flipping through, I came across this article that am sure will make an interesting read; 8 things that can take love between couples to a  higher level:

1. Play the nickname game: Coming up with playful names has a spirit-boosting effect on a relationship.
2. Gush about each other: Highlight the positive qualities during your conversations with other people about your love.
3. Create a romance ritual: Share a unique routine with your partner. The more the routine is incomprehensible to outsiders, the more it fuses you two together.
4. Reveal yourselves: Relationships get stronger when partners expose their real selves, even if it is something painful. So unveil a little more emotion to each other.
5. Make yourself scarce: Going solo for a while shores up the bonding process. So pursue separate interests and reduce excessive chats on phones in the course of the day.
6. Take a trip back in relationship time: Re-living sweet memories of the past helps keep couples bonded now and in the future. Visit old hang-outs together, watch movies and  your old picture collections together...that sort of thing!
7. Don't sweat the small stuff: Small gripes cast a negative pull over relationship, potentially chipping away at the union. Better to let trivial things go. Both should learn to overlook a lot of things!
8: Celebrate quirky milestones: It is okay to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries but  serious booster to good old love and romance is to celebrate the other little things like pay rise at work, moving to a new house and even yesterday's  explosive lovemaking session!

Enjoy your lunch, good people, everywhere!

4 THINGS YOUR MAN MISSES ABOUT BEING SINGLE....

Quoting www.sofeminine.co.uk, certain things run through the mind of men in deep relationships that makes them reminisce about when they were single. According to that website, the following are 5 of  the things they miss, and do think about;

1. Free time: Most coupled men reminisce about the times when they could 'just sit around in their pants and play computer games till 3am!'
But now that he is into you, the woman in his life,he might not be getting enough of that 'recharge time' anymore since he is now saddled with family obligations.
SOLUTION: If he needs an afternoon playing gold, or simply wants some time to himself, let him have it, wifey/girlfriend!

2. Man time: Before Madam showed up, most men hung out with each other at a moment's notice. Spending all day in the pub, playing 5-aside football or having a poker evening was no big thing.
SOLUTION: So dear heartthrob, if your  man is missing his guy friends, suggest a date when he can go off and do his thing with his mates and you can go hang out with yours, capish?

3. Dress sense: When guys are single, they usually didnt give second thought to what they wore but as soon as they become involved in relationships, they find out that their favorite t-shirts or favorite threadbare jeans comes under fire from their beloved ones. The females are usually horrified about the color combination, design and even fabric of their men's wears!
SOLUTION: Guys clothes are their identity- so if you ladies really have any problems with an item of clothing with your men, it is a great excuse, and opportunity to go shopping-together!

4. TV shows: quoting my source directly; 'every night, it is a battle for the remote control. He wants to watch the Match of the day, you (the lady) have to see the latest episode of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians!' In our clime, that will be keeping up with 'African Magic'!
SOLUTION: The key here will be compromise. If the lady got to watch her choice of Tv programme the last time, then please make sure the guy gets to select what you both will be seeing the next time!
There! I hope this write up sure makes someone's day today! Peace out!!

WHY WE LOVE INI EDO!

There are a few ladies in Nollywood that can grab any man's attention and Ini Edo- Ehiagwina is one of them. The ladies idolise her and the men, hhm...I won't want to tell you what images her sight casts on their minds. So, just to let you know a little why we all love this screen goddess, here are some facts to chew on:
1. She was born on April 23rd, 1982. She just turned 31 this year.
2. She is happily married to an American based Nigerian, Phillip Ehiagwina.
3. She graduated from the University of Calabar in 2000, where she studied Theatre Arts.
4.She has acted over 100 Nollywood movies since 2000 when she hit the big screen.
5.She has over 263,000 likes on her Facebook page.
6.She has over 105,000 followers on Twitter.
7.She has her own website www.iniedosworld.com.
8.She is from Onna Local Government Area of Akwa Ibom State in Nigeria
9. She is a United Nation's goodwill ambassador.
10. She is arguably one of Nigeria's richest actresses with so many endorsements from multinational companies.

So there! Hope you learned something new to love about Ini Edo!. 


SHOULD LADIES CARRY CONDOM?

Now don't get me wrong! I ain't trying to be obscene. I just saw a poll on a blog site where the subject question was asked and it has really got me thinking.
Should ladies not carry condoms along with them just as they carry along their lips gloss, combs, eyeliners, hankies, extra panties and sanitary pads wherever they go? More so, when they go visiting their lovers, or when they go out to hang-outs like clubs, swimming pools or parties where the propensity for things to snowball to a steamy, quickie tryst may between them and some good looking guy is high?
In today's world where sex is now the most available commodity after air and water, I think I agree with the 77% of the respondents polled who answered in the affirmative that ladies should carry a pack or two of the contraceptive with them wherever they go.
My reason is based on these facts:
1. There are too many STIs these days and unlike men whereby the symptoms can show up after a few days, these infections can stay unnoticed in females. And yes, AIDS is real!
2. In the heat of the moment, all else in a man's brain is Greek! So prior to the build of emotions, it is believed that ladies are still sane enough to regulate the drama by insisting on the randy fellow to dorn on his 'raincoat'!
3. What is all this talk about women liberation and gender equality if it is not backed up by the ladies taking up a little more responsibility? Sure enough, it can't be said that a woman who decides to be more careful is any more 'adventurous' than her counterpart who is less circumspect, so my take is that carrying some 'safety boots' is simply a case of doing one's self a favour.
4. The 9-month call is really a lady's call. Yeah, right! We have all heard of love-gone-sour stories that spring up as soon as a lady announces to a man she had a rump with that she is pregnant, right? Well, as much as people say that condoms are not a 100% guarantee against unwanted pregnancy, there is empirical proof that it reduces its occurrence by over 50%! Is that not a big percentage to wager a CD bet on?
So, maybe it is worth debating or running that poll again so that we can really ascertain whether or not it makes sense for our ladies to 'help' us carry condoms but till I get your comments, I say.....have an STI free week, friends!

LOVE PORTION 101

Whenever I get propositions from female admirers to cook 'something' for me, I usually do a double take on such offers.
For God's sake I am a bachelor in a town renown for the fable that women here put love portion inside meals they prepare or serve men, if they are interested in keeping the man for themselves only.  I don't know how true, but does love portion really exist?
Now I am not saying ladies don't go voodoo on guys they desire and that iit doesn't 'catch' them but I am trying to rationalize why anyone will have to go to that extent to secure love. If love is really a matter of the heart, shouldn't it be the man's heart that a lady be gunning for, rather than the mind?
As much as men have not shown discretion and common sense most times when they gravitate to whatever catches their fancies, it doesn't mean that real men dont know what can keep them chained to one woman's waist. And usually, it isn't much!
It is usually not the thick make ups, near bare dressings, superficial sophistication, 'notice me' naggings and what-have-you-done-for-me-lately attitudes that endear a real woman to a man.
Rather, I believe true 'love portion' is embodied by a woman's personality: soft spoken, amiable, forgiving, considerate, kind hearted, willingness to share....and patience!
There may be more but these few virtues seem to be disappearing fast from the qualities one sees in the 21st century urban, liberated and goal getting Nigerian/African woman! It is as if a man must be made effeminate and domesticated 'enough' before he can be given some regard in today's relationships. So, my menfolk over here get served magnanimous doses of 'Kop no mi' and an equal ration of sex for them to fall in line.
But my take still stands as thus; what you get by treachery, you keep by treachery! You will need to visit the 'love doctor' in order to maintain the potency of your medicine, lady! And for how long?
So, rather than girls going wherever to get diabolical love portions to turn the head of men to 'focus' on them alone, they should endeavour to invest their time in building some of the above named virtues that will make them continually attractive to their men for the long haul.
That, I believe is the ingredient that makes up the  real love portion '101'.......

AKWA IBOM 'AYAYA'

It feels so good to rise up from my own bed today.
The last three nights or so had me waking up from a dingy guest room mattress somewhere in Abuja, the nation's capital where I had gone to attend the National Chartered Administrators Conference at the prestigious International Conference Centre.
Truthfully, this was the first time I had ever visited the Federal Capital Territory and I must say it held a lot of allure for me....with the flyovers, high rise buildings, paved and undulating road networks, and the mighty Headquarter offices of all the country's big name government ministries, departments and agencies in full view!
The beauty of Abuja is in its planning, with so many private housing estates and luxury apartments that I enquired about only to find out that one needed an arm, a leg and an extra pound of flesh to buy or even rent, for that matter.
The contrast between Abuja and our commercial capital, Lagos, was immediately obvious right from when we arrived the commercial motor park and alighted. There were no signs of that crazy level of rowdiness which automatically puts one on red alert.
The taxi service throughout my stay was tops and very affordable, especially at night. Well, I only kept late night once and touched a couple of places, include 'Blake'- a hang out cum club.
Well, except for the heavy government presence, size of the metropolis and probably, taxi service, Abuja was more like home.  It didn't give me too much of the 'wow' effect I had hoped for which makes me realize what development does to the mind of a person.
Perhaps, maybe in the past when my home state, Akwa Ibom was just an under developed enclave, I would have gapped at the scintillating scenery of the great FCT ,but with a dynamic and purpose driven government (at least in the area of infrastructural development) at the helms of affairs, I sure didn't look or feel like a ' Johnny-Just-Come'.
So, I guess you would understand why I felt validated as the AKTC bus that brought me back to town yesterday crossed over the Goodluck Jonathan flyover along Ikot ekpene road, Uyo.
And I believe you will agree with me when I say (or sing) 'Akwa Ibom Ayaya' anytime we run into one another because of a truth, Akwa Ibom is beautiful!
Feels good to be home!

SUNDAY LAFFS: THE WISDOM OF AN OLDER WOMAN!

Hello, my lovely people! Happy Sunday to you all!
Just was about to blog away my reason for being off the Internet for over three days when I ran into this beautiful piece! It made me laugh; hope it makes you laugh, too! Enjoy it...
" 'After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, ' Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night!
Now I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV but I am sleeping with a 69-year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding your side of things!'
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!"

I hope you enjoyed the gist.... More later. Happy Sunday, good people!

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: What is wrong with these photos?

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: What is wrong with these photos?

Hahahahaha! Couldn't keep the side comments on this Linda Ikeji post to myself. Please if you don't mind some 'durty lafta' follow the above link and see something!

TONTO DIKEH:10 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HER...

Right now, believe it or not, Tonto DIKEH, Naija's 'baddest' girl on screen is the hottest thing on the Internet right now. Yeah, the young Lady Gaga wannabe has kept her profile rising with stunts that certainly shock the sane ones among us.
Well, a little research threw these 10 things you might not have known about 'Tontolet':
1. She was born on 9th July, 1985. (that makes her 28 years, right?)
2. She is currently studying petrochemical engineering at the Rivers State University of Science and Technology.
3. She was the 1st runner up in the TV series 'The next movie star' in 2005.
4. She started smoking 'whatever' at the age of 14 years!
5. She has over 483,000 likes on Facebook.
6. She won the award of 'Actress of the Year' in the 2012 edition of the Futures Award.
7. She goes by the nickname 'Poko'!
8. She fell on the stage at Iyanya's 'kukere' London concert in June, 2013, exposing her 'cowbell' factories in the process.
9. She posted a picture of herself smoking 'another type of whatever' on instagram and now risks bagging 15 years jail sentence, thanks to the NDLEA!
10. She comes from Ikwerre in Rivers state of Nigeria.

And just to top a little icing on the cake, she is the one screen goddess most Nigerian men fantasize about having to date...even if it is for one night!

Happy new week, peeps!

WHEN A WOMAN IS WORTH MORE THAN A MAN

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Alesha Dixon's Nigerian baby daddy, Az Ononye makes £15k a year


In today's world, it would be the most ignorant, chauvinistic and condescending thing for anybody to say that men should always earn more than the women they are in relationships with, be it as their girlfriends, concubines or wives.
With women taking more active roles as professionals in many fields of endeavour and pulling their weights while working  at it, it is high time we Africans redefined the template that dictates what should be expected from either men or women in whatever shade of intimacies they engage themselves in.
If a woman who earns more than a man finds it befitting to accept the overtures of a man who is not as financially endowed as she is, then she shouldn't be seen to be desperate for affection. And on the other hand, the man who can accept a woman picking up the bills at every instance without feeling castrated shouldn't be seen as a gold digger.
The gender equality debate and women's rights  movement are issues that have come to stay, forever! So persons who still insist on viewing intimate relationships as  the man providing-woman receiving  equation it had always been all through the ages need to put on new thinking caps.
Especially those ladies who think it makes them less of a woman to love men whose networths can be comfortably tucked into the side of their designer Gucci and Prada bags! 

LIVING NEXT DOOR TO THE ADENUGAS!

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to be the next door neighbor to an old money heavyweight in the shade of  the Adenugas, Dangotes, Otedolas or IBBs before?
Well, I got invited to spend the night at the residence of Mr. And Mrs Jones (not true name, we consider security seriously over here) in one of the estates where the creme de la creme of my society lived up,and got a taste of it.
As soon as we had driven into his compound which had  two deluxe three-bedroom semi detached apartments, one of which he occupied by around 8.00pm, my friend announced that we couldn't go out again? Why? Because his neighbor would have released his four Alsatian and bull mastiff dogs within the hour.
'So, no hanging out tonight?'
No sir! Besides, the estate gates will be locked by 10.00 p.m and no resident or visitor will be allowed in or out. And since my name wasn't on the list of the five registered visitors he had submitted at the estate security post, it was certain that I wouldn't be allowed in again after the gates were locked.
So we sat home, drank some red label and watched DSTV.
By morning when I was ready to go, my host had to ask me to hold while he called his neighbor to lock up their wretched beasts (man, you needed to see the sizes of these mugs!) on the phone.
Since he couldn't drop me off, he also dialed the neighborhood taxi to come pick me off. I am still thanking God that he talked me out of walking down to the estate's gates which would have been like doing a cross country exercise.
The most dreadful spectacle for me was the deadly serenity of the neighborhood as late as 9.00 a.m. on a saturday. Throughout the whole 10 minutes journey from my buddie's abode to the gate, there was no body in sight.
No kiosks to buy peak milk for morning tea, no 'mama put '  to branch and rush a plate of hot 'eba' and 'afang' soup, no babe strolling on the paved street to be 'razzled', no nosy neighbor on the street to hail you 'bros, good morning o!' Gosh! It must be boring living next door to the Adenugas.....
Gosh! I

OJB'S LIFE IS WORTH MORE....

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: 'Kidney transplant will not cost more than $50k-Juliet Ibrahim writes about OJB


For all those who have thrown in their weight into the crusade for the raising of N15m to see OJB through his kidney transplant, we join his family, friends and well wishers to 'thank you'!

CHOP YOUR MONEY, I'LL CHOP MINE, THANK YOU!

If you are a netizen (citizen of the Internet) then you sure haven't missed the gist that Wizkid just replaced his bashed Porsche with another this week. And reviews from many quarters on the social media platform are up on his case a la 'OJB needs N15m to replace his kidney, why you go spend so much money instead of picking your comrade's surgery bills?'.
My country people never cease to amaze me with their small mindedness. Where else on earth would a person be so bullied to 'donate' to a cause whether or not he believes in it except in this our 'obodo Naija'?
I suspect proponents of the suggestion that Wizkid or any other artist/entertainer should part with his/her well earned dough to help keep one of theirs alive, would want to use the age old thinking that Africans are their brothers keepers to support their arguments but I would like to remind them that we are in 2013. All that kind of talk doesn't hold water anymore.
What makes them think Wizkid hasn't been donating to Foundations or NGOs that cater to the needs of people with kidney problems? What makes them think the young lad didn't get the new car as a gift from one of his many corporate patrons who he might have signed an endorsement deal with? What makes them think that if it was Wizkid that was the sick one, OJB would have put anything in the young man's donation box?
Too many people in this part of the world expect the fortunate ones amongst us to be magnanimous to a fault whilst they hide under the pretext of being part of the poor, disenfranchised and suffering 'masses'. What have they done for OJB since they heard? Or haven't they seen the guy's account number floating all over the net?
As a fellow blogger suggested, why don't they throw in their one month's salaries as part of their widow's mite and see if we wouldn't raise the N15M in no time.
Until any of those sanctimonious preachers of 'selfless sacrifice' have dropped something into Babatunde Okungbowa's UBA account no. 1015075120, they should please leave Wizkid and co. to chop their money as they chop theirs. Thank you

GAY RIGHTS AND MY UNBORN CHILD!

Somewhere in God's own country, the supreme court has endorsed same sex marriage after a long drawn battle between moralists and members of the the LGBT community. Wow, what a feat! And to think that over here the law of the land stipulates 14 years imprisonment for persons with homosexual inclinations. Different strokes for different folks, I guess?
I really feel pained having to join the debate on this issue but knowing that most things that start out this way as a concession to a minority grow to become mainstream and soon become commonplace, it becomes frightening when I see how far the agitations that started at the Stonewall Inn in 1969 has gone.
Let's not deceive ourselves back here in Naija with the temporary adjournment of the verdict that will validate the rights of gays by our legislative houses. The LGBT movement is a global movement with many prominent figures supporting, encouraging and even advocating for it. It has taken about 44 years to get America to legitimize same sex marriage. It won't take that long over here.
And with our young generation always wanting to embrace alternative lifestyles either as signs of rebellion or a proof of modernity, that reality stares me more in the face.
I don't know about you but I pray the day never comes when my unborn child, Adam, comes home with his lawfully wedded 'wife', Steve!

NAIJA MEN ARE AFRAID OF 'YANKEE' BABES....

For those who may not know who 'Yankee' babes, let me quickly put a definition to it! 'Yankee' babes are those girls who where either born and brought up abroad ( U.S and Europe) or left the shores of Africa to live and or school there.
Recently I had a chat with a lady friend of mine who intimated me about a friend of hers who had travelled out to read for a Masters degree in the United Kingdom and had returned home to find out that the 'home' boys in the neighborhood were all acting as if they had left their 'balls' at home!
According to the complainant, it was like she had gone abroad and contracted an incurable ailment that made guys libido drop to sub zero whenever they came around her. Usually the conversation goes something like this:
Naija toaster: Hey, baby! How you doing?
Yankee babe: Am good! And you?
Naija toaster: Cooler than pure water. So, are you new around here?
Yankee babe: Well, not really.... I just came back from Manchester where I went for my Masters in AI and robotics engineering.
Naija toaster: Manchester? A.I? What's that?
Yankee babe : Artificial Intelligence...
Naija toaster: O.K, I see.....(scratches his head and starts fiddling with his Samsung galaxy smart phone).
Guy excuses himself as he pretends to pick a call.
Yankee babe: Hello! You leaving?
Naija toaster: Sorry dear, His Excellency just called. I have to rush back to government house. I will call you later.
Guy takes off nicodemously still clinging to phone.
Yankee babe: But you haven't taken my number.....

Forget it, Suzie. The brother has bailed.
Which obodo Naija guy will be able to handle a girl whose idea of a relationship will revolve around going to the cinemas, eating at fast foods joints,talking about Kim Kardashian and her excesses, demanding for breakfast in bed and fantasizing about vacation overseas?
Am not sure one would find as much as the number of fingers on my left hand. Or is any brave Naija man out there?

ELIGIBLE NIGERIAN BACHELORS 2013

WHICH OF THESE ELIGIBLE BACHELORS ARE GOING DOWN THE AISLE THIS YEAR?


I just visited ipaidabribenaija.com to see the results of thier 10 most eligible bachelors in 2013 and thought it wouldn't hurt to predict which of these dudes will not make it to December 31 without putting a 'ring on it'!
Your comments are most welcome. Happy reading!!!

LADIES LOVE COOL JIM IYKE (LL COOL J)

Believe me when I say that am the last man on earth to be a fan of Nollywood, and I mean that. Not that I don't appreciate what the multi million dollars film industry has contributed to my country's GDP! But I guess their stunts don't go down with me , having been weaned on western movies which had story lines that engaged the intellect. As my people say: a child whose early meals were cerelac and cornflakes can' t get accustomed to 'fufu' and 'amala' when he is older!

However, if there is one dude that makes me spare a couple of minutes to watch those drama on Africa Magic, it's got to be Jim iyke a.k.a original bad boy (OBB) of Naija movies!

It was Jim that got me to watch a whole Naija film (one dollar) from start to finish where he acted the part of an American returnee high on drugs or stuff. Crazy dude, I swear!

Yeah, and the ladies love him, for real!

Think am lying? Then you better inbox me to give you the authentic list of all the hotties who have had a tango or two with this Gabon born, Anambra playboy!

It is always a wonder why ladies get attracted to guys like 'cool' J, even with all the obvious features that support the fact his type are the ones that mummy warned to steer clear of  because they 'kiss the girls and make them cry'!

Jimmies (plural of Jimmy) dont only kiss their girls but stories I have heard say that in between they swindle some of them in business deals, pose around town with their partners expensive cars, use the sexy and classy ones  to improve the ratings of their reality shows and even fake break ups for effect!

But here is the best part; Jimmies know for sure that no matter how far they push their rascality in relationships, they can't be dispensed with. Which girl will want to lose a Jim who brings as much drama to the table as her? No way! Not when there are thousand and one hot legs dying to replace her sorry ass!

So, here is a toast to all the cool Js representing the men's constituency at Romance Villa.  May you guys never run out of Nadirs to warm your bed and keep your bad boy reputation rock solid!

SOCIAL MEDIA, FLIRTING AND ALL THAT JAZZ....

I must confess that since I got my iPad, I have become an unrepentant social networker. I swear I have signed on to Facebook, twitter, badoo, twoo,naijapals, ghanaweb.....even weibo! You name it, am on it!
Now you might ask me if I have forgotten something in cyberspace, and I won't be mad at you. We are in the Internet age, damn it, and am not subscribing to my Internet services provider for nothing's sake.
There is a trend I have observed that has really got me thinking that a handful of guys and an ocean of  girls on all these platforms live in fools' paradise.
I mean really what do these pretenders think the social media is for if not for socializing? What in God's name do you think the owners of these sites created these platforms if not to allow ( I dare say, encourage) virtual flirtation between and among strangers as well as known persons alike under the guise of pseudonyms?
So when you get a hit from an interested person from the other end of the keyboard and you are sure you ain't on a Christian dating site or your company's website (where everyone signs on with their real names or traceable user IDs), then you should always expect discussions with some of your contacts to tilt towards a personal level, even if it bothers on the obscene, sensual or erotic!
It is always up to you to indulge the curiosity/fantasy of the other party or where your sensibilities stand a risk of being infringed upon, hit the delete botton, pronto!
But where you prefer to resort to giving a lecture on morality or promoting your 'holier than thou' credentials to a total stranger in a virtual world still far from having any boundary for accountability, just remember you are your own worst enemy.
The world of social media is not the place for such piety! Period!!

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: "I really really loved Iyanya '- Yvonne Nelson reveals in new interview

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: "I really really loved Iyanya '- Yvonne Nelson reveals in new interview: As my people say, story that touch.... I need to have a one on one with iyanya next time I see him to ask him waddup! So Yvonne, check out my dude's response on this matter ASAP on my blog and please....cry no more!

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Dear LIB readers: I'm 20 years old and pregnant for a married man

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Dear LIB readers: I'm 20 years old and pregnant for a married man I guess I can give this young lady a piece of advice or two..... Now, this is kind of story sure baffles me but I guess we were all young, and stupid once in our lifetime, so Miss 20 years old, visit www.etumekama.blogspot.com for some counseling!!

10 REASONS I LOVE GENEVIEVE! (LIMITED VERSION)

I never thought I will be writing this song today, but after over 70 requests from some good folks who think that there is an arch rivalry or something going on between Omosexy and Genevieve, Nigeria's two biggest divas in Nollywood, am on this road again to let the world know 10 reasons why I love Genevieve Nnaji! So here we go;

1. She is still single at 30+....meaning if we get to meet and she likes me as I love her, we may be sending out invitation cards soon!

2. She is Nigeria's most popular female actor! (or is it actress....see www.AllAfrica.com, if in doubt)

3. She is Nollywood's richest female actor!( Abeg, refer to www.AllAfrica.com again! Thank you!

4. She had Chimebuka when she like 18?! and she hasn't visited the labour since after then.

5. She has made 67 A+ rated movies from 1998 (most wanted) to 2011 (Sacred lies) in the course of her acting career.

6. She has a MFR suffix appended to her name! (No, not Masters in Film Rehearsals, stupid! Goggle up the meaning, please.)

7. She is the apple of D' banj's eyes, and since whatever the Koko Master loves, I love (except the break up of Mo' Hits and his non performance as host in a Presidential pre-election chit chat back in 2011), therefore she must have class and style, no doubt.

8. She is caring and connected to her roots! She just moved her aged parents again from down down Lagos to some big up housing somewhere in Lekki peninsula where the nouveau riche call their playground!

9. She has combined perfectly her numerous roles as an actor (abi na actress), singer, movie director, model, mother and money making machine so well that she has never featured on the scandal radar beamed at Nollywood.

10. She is most definitely going to be my biggest fan on this blog once she feels my love for her. Please anyone who knows Genevieve Nnaji should tell her to visit www.etumekama.blogspot.com

So there! If there is anything I may have omitted about this gorgeous screen goddess, kindly revert to My Oga at The Top at ww................. Datsall!

10 REASONS WHY I LOVE OMOSEXY......

If you don't know who 'Omosexy' and you are an African, a lady under 60 years,with a CD/DVD player or plugged to any of the numerous cable TV networks, then sorry dear, you are on a long thing.

I can forgive my caucasian and Asian buddies from all around the world if they haven't watched any Omotola Jalade's home movies because they have Hollywood and Bollywood respectively to pan to their fantasies but if you don't fall into any of these categories and you dont know this lady, you better start paying attention!

I just checked up a short funny movie clip titled 'Mirror, mirror' starring Africa's own Cinderalla and realised i have 10 good reasons to love 'Omosexy!'

1. She is one of Forbes 100 most influential people in 2013! 

2. She married at the age of 18 (1996) and has remained so for over 16 years! (in this day and age, and with the marriages of our actors tearing apart before you spell 'sexy', it is a BIG feat!)

3. She has a nickname and a body that makes any man think of staying awake in bed all day, and all night!

4. She has about 27 A+ rated movies in her kittie between 1995 (venom of justice) and 2013 (up reek a paddle)!

5. She is the first African celebrity to receive 1 million 'likes' on Facebook.

6. She combines her career as an actor, singer and activist very well with parenting her four children!

7. She has her own TV reality show, 'The real me' screened on Africa Magic entertainment.

8. She is a United Nations World Food Programme ambassador ( she has been since 2005)!

9. She is a well travelled (she is married to a pilot) and a well rounded lady (i mean intellectually O! Read her column in the OK ! Nigeria magazine)

10. She is surely going to be the biggest fan of my blog! www.etumekama.blogspot.com

Need I say more, Omosexy? You go, girl....

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ghanaian footballer Michael Essien secretly weds his publicist

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ghanaian footballer Michael Essien secretly weds his publicist: Another bachelor bites the marital dust! HML, baller!!

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ghanaian footballer Michael Essien secretly weds his publicist

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ghanaian footballer Michael Essien secretly weds his publicist

A TRIBUTE TO TUPAC SHAKUR ( 1971-1996)

I guess this coming 6 days later than it should but I know my homie TUPAC Amaru SHAKUR (RIP) would still the love from above (am sure there is a heaven for a G)!
Born 16 June, 1971, TUPAC would have been 42 years of age this month but my nigger had to die after being shot severally on 13 September, 1996.
With over 75 million albums sold worldwide as at 2010, it is no doubt that the 'shining serpent' is a rap legend, even in death.
With gangster lyrics like 'Dear Mama', 'Strictly for my niggaz', 'Keep your head up','All eyes on me' and 'Me against the world' still kicking some deep O.G sh*t (forgive the pun) in my head that make me reminisce about my youthful days, I can't help saying I miss you, my nigger!
Wherever you are Mr. Makaveli, I hope you holding things down and representing like I know you 'is'!
Mourn you till I join you, big brother, in the heaven made for true gangsters with attitude!

BELIEVE ME, Ms YOKOZUNA......SIZE DOES MATTER!

I know my day is going to be a challenge when I have the misfortune of boarding a public transport vehicle and having to sit beside a fat lady. It usually is a bumpy ride for so many reasons. First of all, they take up space for two and only pay for one seat! Unfair! Right?
Next thing is that at every bus stop or in between traffic hold ups, they keep buying every chewable thing in sight; roasted corn, gala,banana, groundnuts....and boiled eggs! Haba! And curse my luck, they always get me involved one way or the other..... I get to help call the snack vendor, communicate the bargain, convey the products back and forth, collect their change for them and help throw out the garbage in the course of our commuting.
Then there is the drama they put up with either the driver or fellow passenger(s) that nearly always ends with exchange of insults as they try to intimidate with their smaller sized adversary.
So it gets me thinking why on earth any sensible girl in this 21st century will not attend all the weight reducing exercise classes, read all the books that talk about dieting, cut down on clogging her mouth with all the junk delicacies at fast food and bar joints in order to keep her figure trim (and sexy!)
Maybe your body size (or self esteem) doesn't  matter anymore if you are a mother of four, are in your fifties,not interested in catcalls or whistles trailing your backside when you are up and about town but please give a little consideration to fellows like me who are very visual oriented (all men are, by the way), and do something about it.
For those of you Fatimas who aren't yet married and do fantasize about your wedding day, don't you want your Mr. right to have the pleasure and do you the honour of picking you up in your wedding dress to the admiration of your guests for that once in life time photo shot? How would you feel if in trying to lift you up, you both collapse on the cameraman?
Now it's not about fat ass (we all like fat asses) or size 36d boobs (nothing feels better, I tell you!) but about those females who think it is too much price to pay to shed off those flappy arms, Wimbledon  size tummies and extra large thighs to add color to the funky world of relationships.
Because dear Ms. Yokozuna,  just as we know that size of a man's tool matters to many a woman (please, don't pretend you don't know what am talking about!), so does your size matter in how guys treat a lady!

BETWEEN ANGELA MERKEL AND BEYONCE

In my consideration for who I might end up with for life , I seem to be attracted to two types of women. Let me introduce my kind of women, who I may say exist in two extreme parts of the feminine continuum: the Angela Merkels and the Beyonces!
A brief description should help out!
Angela Merkel: German chancellor, PhD holder in Physics ( I know a Nigerian head of state who is a PhD holder, politician, well connected(she is Obama's buddie o, please refer to G8 summit things),in her sixties ,prudent and hardworking(see the German economy if in doubt)!
Angela Merkels kind of women have seen it all and are in the relationship business usually for the long haul; they are intelligent, know their limits when it comes to make-ups and attaching cosmetic (a.k.a silicon) breasts to entice or keep their men in place. They are more like, 'what you see is what you get, so don't fret'!
Beyonce: singer, dancer, actor, feminist(a la girls run the world), 26th most influential celebrity in Forbes 2012 '100 most influential celebs in the world',in her early thirties, mother and Jay Z's missus!
Beyonces of these world are those who thing they run the world, or better still, that the world runs for them. They are always young, sweet looking, vain (what do you think vanity fair is for, stupid?), head turning, dramatic (O! I bought my boo a beach at the Bahamas for his birthday!) and false in a thousand places. (Ooops! There goes my false scandivanian eyelashes!)
Don't get me wrong, I like them both, one for the fact that my kids will grow up becoming A+ students who will come out of school, become ambassadors or even presidents and make daddy proud, and the other for the fact that I will make front page news for all the wrong reasons,have more of her type cueing up to have a go at me at any instance our love boat starts heading south which will make me proud as well!
But having said all this, I believe there is one major consideration that will ultimately help me make up my mind. Statistics!
Yes! Because after all is said and done, I guess the lady whose 36-24-36 turns me on the most gets to keep the ring.....and our joint account cheque book!

STAY SINGLE JAY Z, UNLESS......

Jay and I have been buddies for a decade now, so naturally we hang out late often. But in the last few weeks following the wedding of another friend,Useni, he just went into overdrive about 'settling down'!
The problem is Jay-z (that's what the guys call him) has decided to inundate us with the outcome of his research into matrimony with mind boggling statistics during our night time hang outs.
Did we  know that divorce rate had gone up by 25% at the turn of this century? Did we know that 50% of newly contracted marriages crashed in the first three years? Did we know that 90% of married men cheat on their newly weds in the first three months of marriage? Did we know that 60% of married women admitted to cheating their husbands at least once in their married life? Did we know that divorce rate amongst Nigerians was increasing by 10% year on year since 2000?
Last night, my man had another 'did you know' update for the table.
'Guys, did you know that statistics has it that more than 80% of married people do regret marrying their spouse because they get to run into someone else that had all the qualities they had in a life partner?'
Gosh, Jay Z, can't you ever stop? See no one is putting a gun to your head to sign the dotted lines (not totally true, because I know Marureen has a kitchen knife), no one can truly verify these figures and for sure, no one two persons destinies are the same!
I actually didn't tell him all of the above but the words played on in my head as the discussion snowballed into our normal arguments of 'for' and 'against'!
Now I know my guy is suddenly catching cold feet on the prospect of becoming a 'responsible' man but if he keeps up this frenzy on the minuses of wedlock and a life of 'happily ever after', I fear that his journey to the altar may be short lived and we may be welcoming our good old (and sober) Jay Z to a second life of singlehood, as a divorcee!
So Jay Z, make up your mind without the numbers or just remain single. That's all!