TONTO DIKEH:10 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT HER...

Right now, believe it or not, Tonto DIKEH, Naija's 'baddest' girl on screen is the hottest thing on the Internet right now. Yeah, the young Lady Gaga wannabe has kept her profile rising with stunts that certainly shock the sane ones among us.
Well, a little research threw these 10 things you might not have known about 'Tontolet':
1. She was born on 9th July, 1985. (that makes her 28 years, right?)
2. She is currently studying petrochemical engineering at the Rivers State University of Science and Technology.
3. She was the 1st runner up in the TV series 'The next movie star' in 2005.
4. She started smoking 'whatever' at the age of 14 years!
5. She has over 483,000 likes on Facebook.
6. She won the award of 'Actress of the Year' in the 2012 edition of the Futures Award.
7. She goes by the nickname 'Poko'!
8. She fell on the stage at Iyanya's 'kukere' London concert in June, 2013, exposing her 'cowbell' factories in the process.
9. She posted a picture of herself smoking 'another type of whatever' on instagram and now risks bagging 15 years jail sentence, thanks to the NDLEA!
10. She comes from Ikwerre in Rivers state of Nigeria.

And just to top a little icing on the cake, she is the one screen goddess most Nigerian men fantasize about having to date...even if it is for one night!

Happy new week, peeps!

WHEN A WOMAN IS WORTH MORE THAN A MAN

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Alesha Dixon's Nigerian baby daddy, Az Ononye makes £15k a year


In today's world, it would be the most ignorant, chauvinistic and condescending thing for anybody to say that men should always earn more than the women they are in relationships with, be it as their girlfriends, concubines or wives.
With women taking more active roles as professionals in many fields of endeavour and pulling their weights while working  at it, it is high time we Africans redefined the template that dictates what should be expected from either men or women in whatever shade of intimacies they engage themselves in.
If a woman who earns more than a man finds it befitting to accept the overtures of a man who is not as financially endowed as she is, then she shouldn't be seen to be desperate for affection. And on the other hand, the man who can accept a woman picking up the bills at every instance without feeling castrated shouldn't be seen as a gold digger.
The gender equality debate and women's rights  movement are issues that have come to stay, forever! So persons who still insist on viewing intimate relationships as  the man providing-woman receiving  equation it had always been all through the ages need to put on new thinking caps.
Especially those ladies who think it makes them less of a woman to love men whose networths can be comfortably tucked into the side of their designer Gucci and Prada bags! 

LIVING NEXT DOOR TO THE ADENUGAS!

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to be the next door neighbor to an old money heavyweight in the shade of  the Adenugas, Dangotes, Otedolas or IBBs before?
Well, I got invited to spend the night at the residence of Mr. And Mrs Jones (not true name, we consider security seriously over here) in one of the estates where the creme de la creme of my society lived up,and got a taste of it.
As soon as we had driven into his compound which had  two deluxe three-bedroom semi detached apartments, one of which he occupied by around 8.00pm, my friend announced that we couldn't go out again? Why? Because his neighbor would have released his four Alsatian and bull mastiff dogs within the hour.
'So, no hanging out tonight?'
No sir! Besides, the estate gates will be locked by 10.00 p.m and no resident or visitor will be allowed in or out. And since my name wasn't on the list of the five registered visitors he had submitted at the estate security post, it was certain that I wouldn't be allowed in again after the gates were locked.
So we sat home, drank some red label and watched DSTV.
By morning when I was ready to go, my host had to ask me to hold while he called his neighbor to lock up their wretched beasts (man, you needed to see the sizes of these mugs!) on the phone.
Since he couldn't drop me off, he also dialed the neighborhood taxi to come pick me off. I am still thanking God that he talked me out of walking down to the estate's gates which would have been like doing a cross country exercise.
The most dreadful spectacle for me was the deadly serenity of the neighborhood as late as 9.00 a.m. on a saturday. Throughout the whole 10 minutes journey from my buddie's abode to the gate, there was no body in sight.
No kiosks to buy peak milk for morning tea, no 'mama put '  to branch and rush a plate of hot 'eba' and 'afang' soup, no babe strolling on the paved street to be 'razzled', no nosy neighbor on the street to hail you 'bros, good morning o!' Gosh! It must be boring living next door to the Adenugas.....
Gosh! I

OJB'S LIFE IS WORTH MORE....

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: 'Kidney transplant will not cost more than $50k-Juliet Ibrahim writes about OJB


For all those who have thrown in their weight into the crusade for the raising of N15m to see OJB through his kidney transplant, we join his family, friends and well wishers to 'thank you'!

CHOP YOUR MONEY, I'LL CHOP MINE, THANK YOU!

If you are a netizen (citizen of the Internet) then you sure haven't missed the gist that Wizkid just replaced his bashed Porsche with another this week. And reviews from many quarters on the social media platform are up on his case a la 'OJB needs N15m to replace his kidney, why you go spend so much money instead of picking your comrade's surgery bills?'.
My country people never cease to amaze me with their small mindedness. Where else on earth would a person be so bullied to 'donate' to a cause whether or not he believes in it except in this our 'obodo Naija'?
I suspect proponents of the suggestion that Wizkid or any other artist/entertainer should part with his/her well earned dough to help keep one of theirs alive, would want to use the age old thinking that Africans are their brothers keepers to support their arguments but I would like to remind them that we are in 2013. All that kind of talk doesn't hold water anymore.
What makes them think Wizkid hasn't been donating to Foundations or NGOs that cater to the needs of people with kidney problems? What makes them think the young lad didn't get the new car as a gift from one of his many corporate patrons who he might have signed an endorsement deal with? What makes them think that if it was Wizkid that was the sick one, OJB would have put anything in the young man's donation box?
Too many people in this part of the world expect the fortunate ones amongst us to be magnanimous to a fault whilst they hide under the pretext of being part of the poor, disenfranchised and suffering 'masses'. What have they done for OJB since they heard? Or haven't they seen the guy's account number floating all over the net?
As a fellow blogger suggested, why don't they throw in their one month's salaries as part of their widow's mite and see if we wouldn't raise the N15M in no time.
Until any of those sanctimonious preachers of 'selfless sacrifice' have dropped something into Babatunde Okungbowa's UBA account no. 1015075120, they should please leave Wizkid and co. to chop their money as they chop theirs. Thank you

GAY RIGHTS AND MY UNBORN CHILD!

Somewhere in God's own country, the supreme court has endorsed same sex marriage after a long drawn battle between moralists and members of the the LGBT community. Wow, what a feat! And to think that over here the law of the land stipulates 14 years imprisonment for persons with homosexual inclinations. Different strokes for different folks, I guess?
I really feel pained having to join the debate on this issue but knowing that most things that start out this way as a concession to a minority grow to become mainstream and soon become commonplace, it becomes frightening when I see how far the agitations that started at the Stonewall Inn in 1969 has gone.
Let's not deceive ourselves back here in Naija with the temporary adjournment of the verdict that will validate the rights of gays by our legislative houses. The LGBT movement is a global movement with many prominent figures supporting, encouraging and even advocating for it. It has taken about 44 years to get America to legitimize same sex marriage. It won't take that long over here.
And with our young generation always wanting to embrace alternative lifestyles either as signs of rebellion or a proof of modernity, that reality stares me more in the face.
I don't know about you but I pray the day never comes when my unborn child, Adam, comes home with his lawfully wedded 'wife', Steve!

NAIJA MEN ARE AFRAID OF 'YANKEE' BABES....

For those who may not know who 'Yankee' babes, let me quickly put a definition to it! 'Yankee' babes are those girls who where either born and brought up abroad ( U.S and Europe) or left the shores of Africa to live and or school there.
Recently I had a chat with a lady friend of mine who intimated me about a friend of hers who had travelled out to read for a Masters degree in the United Kingdom and had returned home to find out that the 'home' boys in the neighborhood were all acting as if they had left their 'balls' at home!
According to the complainant, it was like she had gone abroad and contracted an incurable ailment that made guys libido drop to sub zero whenever they came around her. Usually the conversation goes something like this:
Naija toaster: Hey, baby! How you doing?
Yankee babe: Am good! And you?
Naija toaster: Cooler than pure water. So, are you new around here?
Yankee babe: Well, not really.... I just came back from Manchester where I went for my Masters in AI and robotics engineering.
Naija toaster: Manchester? A.I? What's that?
Yankee babe : Artificial Intelligence...
Naija toaster: O.K, I see.....(scratches his head and starts fiddling with his Samsung galaxy smart phone).
Guy excuses himself as he pretends to pick a call.
Yankee babe: Hello! You leaving?
Naija toaster: Sorry dear, His Excellency just called. I have to rush back to government house. I will call you later.
Guy takes off nicodemously still clinging to phone.
Yankee babe: But you haven't taken my number.....

Forget it, Suzie. The brother has bailed.
Which obodo Naija guy will be able to handle a girl whose idea of a relationship will revolve around going to the cinemas, eating at fast foods joints,talking about Kim Kardashian and her excesses, demanding for breakfast in bed and fantasizing about vacation overseas?
Am not sure one would find as much as the number of fingers on my left hand. Or is any brave Naija man out there?

ELIGIBLE NIGERIAN BACHELORS 2013

WHICH OF THESE ELIGIBLE BACHELORS ARE GOING DOWN THE AISLE THIS YEAR?


I just visited ipaidabribenaija.com to see the results of thier 10 most eligible bachelors in 2013 and thought it wouldn't hurt to predict which of these dudes will not make it to December 31 without putting a 'ring on it'!
Your comments are most welcome. Happy reading!!!

LADIES LOVE COOL JIM IYKE (LL COOL J)

Believe me when I say that am the last man on earth to be a fan of Nollywood, and I mean that. Not that I don't appreciate what the multi million dollars film industry has contributed to my country's GDP! But I guess their stunts don't go down with me , having been weaned on western movies which had story lines that engaged the intellect. As my people say: a child whose early meals were cerelac and cornflakes can' t get accustomed to 'fufu' and 'amala' when he is older!

However, if there is one dude that makes me spare a couple of minutes to watch those drama on Africa Magic, it's got to be Jim iyke a.k.a original bad boy (OBB) of Naija movies!

It was Jim that got me to watch a whole Naija film (one dollar) from start to finish where he acted the part of an American returnee high on drugs or stuff. Crazy dude, I swear!

Yeah, and the ladies love him, for real!

Think am lying? Then you better inbox me to give you the authentic list of all the hotties who have had a tango or two with this Gabon born, Anambra playboy!

It is always a wonder why ladies get attracted to guys like 'cool' J, even with all the obvious features that support the fact his type are the ones that mummy warned to steer clear of  because they 'kiss the girls and make them cry'!

Jimmies (plural of Jimmy) dont only kiss their girls but stories I have heard say that in between they swindle some of them in business deals, pose around town with their partners expensive cars, use the sexy and classy ones  to improve the ratings of their reality shows and even fake break ups for effect!

But here is the best part; Jimmies know for sure that no matter how far they push their rascality in relationships, they can't be dispensed with. Which girl will want to lose a Jim who brings as much drama to the table as her? No way! Not when there are thousand and one hot legs dying to replace her sorry ass!

So, here is a toast to all the cool Js representing the men's constituency at Romance Villa.  May you guys never run out of Nadirs to warm your bed and keep your bad boy reputation rock solid!

SOCIAL MEDIA, FLIRTING AND ALL THAT JAZZ....

I must confess that since I got my iPad, I have become an unrepentant social networker. I swear I have signed on to Facebook, twitter, badoo, twoo,naijapals, ghanaweb.....even weibo! You name it, am on it!
Now you might ask me if I have forgotten something in cyberspace, and I won't be mad at you. We are in the Internet age, damn it, and am not subscribing to my Internet services provider for nothing's sake.
There is a trend I have observed that has really got me thinking that a handful of guys and an ocean of  girls on all these platforms live in fools' paradise.
I mean really what do these pretenders think the social media is for if not for socializing? What in God's name do you think the owners of these sites created these platforms if not to allow ( I dare say, encourage) virtual flirtation between and among strangers as well as known persons alike under the guise of pseudonyms?
So when you get a hit from an interested person from the other end of the keyboard and you are sure you ain't on a Christian dating site or your company's website (where everyone signs on with their real names or traceable user IDs), then you should always expect discussions with some of your contacts to tilt towards a personal level, even if it bothers on the obscene, sensual or erotic!
It is always up to you to indulge the curiosity/fantasy of the other party or where your sensibilities stand a risk of being infringed upon, hit the delete botton, pronto!
But where you prefer to resort to giving a lecture on morality or promoting your 'holier than thou' credentials to a total stranger in a virtual world still far from having any boundary for accountability, just remember you are your own worst enemy.
The world of social media is not the place for such piety! Period!!

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: "I really really loved Iyanya '- Yvonne Nelson reveals in new interview

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: "I really really loved Iyanya '- Yvonne Nelson reveals in new interview: As my people say, story that touch.... I need to have a one on one with iyanya next time I see him to ask him waddup! So Yvonne, check out my dude's response on this matter ASAP on my blog and please....cry no more!

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Dear LIB readers: I'm 20 years old and pregnant for a married man

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Dear LIB readers: I'm 20 years old and pregnant for a married man I guess I can give this young lady a piece of advice or two..... Now, this is kind of story sure baffles me but I guess we were all young, and stupid once in our lifetime, so Miss 20 years old, visit www.etumekama.blogspot.com for some counseling!!

10 REASONS I LOVE GENEVIEVE! (LIMITED VERSION)

I never thought I will be writing this song today, but after over 70 requests from some good folks who think that there is an arch rivalry or something going on between Omosexy and Genevieve, Nigeria's two biggest divas in Nollywood, am on this road again to let the world know 10 reasons why I love Genevieve Nnaji! So here we go;

1. She is still single at 30+....meaning if we get to meet and she likes me as I love her, we may be sending out invitation cards soon!

2. She is Nigeria's most popular female actor! (or is it actress....see www.AllAfrica.com, if in doubt)

3. She is Nollywood's richest female actor!( Abeg, refer to www.AllAfrica.com again! Thank you!

4. She had Chimebuka when she like 18?! and she hasn't visited the labour since after then.

5. She has made 67 A+ rated movies from 1998 (most wanted) to 2011 (Sacred lies) in the course of her acting career.

6. She has a MFR suffix appended to her name! (No, not Masters in Film Rehearsals, stupid! Goggle up the meaning, please.)

7. She is the apple of D' banj's eyes, and since whatever the Koko Master loves, I love (except the break up of Mo' Hits and his non performance as host in a Presidential pre-election chit chat back in 2011), therefore she must have class and style, no doubt.

8. She is caring and connected to her roots! She just moved her aged parents again from down down Lagos to some big up housing somewhere in Lekki peninsula where the nouveau riche call their playground!

9. She has combined perfectly her numerous roles as an actor (abi na actress), singer, movie director, model, mother and money making machine so well that she has never featured on the scandal radar beamed at Nollywood.

10. She is most definitely going to be my biggest fan on this blog once she feels my love for her. Please anyone who knows Genevieve Nnaji should tell her to visit www.etumekama.blogspot.com

So there! If there is anything I may have omitted about this gorgeous screen goddess, kindly revert to My Oga at The Top at ww................. Datsall!

10 REASONS WHY I LOVE OMOSEXY......

If you don't know who 'Omosexy' and you are an African, a lady under 60 years,with a CD/DVD player or plugged to any of the numerous cable TV networks, then sorry dear, you are on a long thing.

I can forgive my caucasian and Asian buddies from all around the world if they haven't watched any Omotola Jalade's home movies because they have Hollywood and Bollywood respectively to pan to their fantasies but if you don't fall into any of these categories and you dont know this lady, you better start paying attention!

I just checked up a short funny movie clip titled 'Mirror, mirror' starring Africa's own Cinderalla and realised i have 10 good reasons to love 'Omosexy!'

1. She is one of Forbes 100 most influential people in 2013! 

2. She married at the age of 18 (1996) and has remained so for over 16 years! (in this day and age, and with the marriages of our actors tearing apart before you spell 'sexy', it is a BIG feat!)

3. She has a nickname and a body that makes any man think of staying awake in bed all day, and all night!

4. She has about 27 A+ rated movies in her kittie between 1995 (venom of justice) and 2013 (up reek a paddle)!

5. She is the first African celebrity to receive 1 million 'likes' on Facebook.

6. She combines her career as an actor, singer and activist very well with parenting her four children!

7. She has her own TV reality show, 'The real me' screened on Africa Magic entertainment.

8. She is a United Nations World Food Programme ambassador ( she has been since 2005)!

9. She is a well travelled (she is married to a pilot) and a well rounded lady (i mean intellectually O! Read her column in the OK ! Nigeria magazine)

10. She is surely going to be the biggest fan of my blog! www.etumekama.blogspot.com

Need I say more, Omosexy? You go, girl....

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ghanaian footballer Michael Essien secretly weds his publicist

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ghanaian footballer Michael Essien secretly weds his publicist: Another bachelor bites the marital dust! HML, baller!!

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ghanaian footballer Michael Essien secretly weds his publicist

Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog: Ghanaian footballer Michael Essien secretly weds his publicist

A TRIBUTE TO TUPAC SHAKUR ( 1971-1996)

I guess this coming 6 days later than it should but I know my homie TUPAC Amaru SHAKUR (RIP) would still the love from above (am sure there is a heaven for a G)!
Born 16 June, 1971, TUPAC would have been 42 years of age this month but my nigger had to die after being shot severally on 13 September, 1996.
With over 75 million albums sold worldwide as at 2010, it is no doubt that the 'shining serpent' is a rap legend, even in death.
With gangster lyrics like 'Dear Mama', 'Strictly for my niggaz', 'Keep your head up','All eyes on me' and 'Me against the world' still kicking some deep O.G sh*t (forgive the pun) in my head that make me reminisce about my youthful days, I can't help saying I miss you, my nigger!
Wherever you are Mr. Makaveli, I hope you holding things down and representing like I know you 'is'!
Mourn you till I join you, big brother, in the heaven made for true gangsters with attitude!

BELIEVE ME, Ms YOKOZUNA......SIZE DOES MATTER!

I know my day is going to be a challenge when I have the misfortune of boarding a public transport vehicle and having to sit beside a fat lady. It usually is a bumpy ride for so many reasons. First of all, they take up space for two and only pay for one seat! Unfair! Right?
Next thing is that at every bus stop or in between traffic hold ups, they keep buying every chewable thing in sight; roasted corn, gala,banana, groundnuts....and boiled eggs! Haba! And curse my luck, they always get me involved one way or the other..... I get to help call the snack vendor, communicate the bargain, convey the products back and forth, collect their change for them and help throw out the garbage in the course of our commuting.
Then there is the drama they put up with either the driver or fellow passenger(s) that nearly always ends with exchange of insults as they try to intimidate with their smaller sized adversary.
So it gets me thinking why on earth any sensible girl in this 21st century will not attend all the weight reducing exercise classes, read all the books that talk about dieting, cut down on clogging her mouth with all the junk delicacies at fast food and bar joints in order to keep her figure trim (and sexy!)
Maybe your body size (or self esteem) doesn't  matter anymore if you are a mother of four, are in your fifties,not interested in catcalls or whistles trailing your backside when you are up and about town but please give a little consideration to fellows like me who are very visual oriented (all men are, by the way), and do something about it.
For those of you Fatimas who aren't yet married and do fantasize about your wedding day, don't you want your Mr. right to have the pleasure and do you the honour of picking you up in your wedding dress to the admiration of your guests for that once in life time photo shot? How would you feel if in trying to lift you up, you both collapse on the cameraman?
Now it's not about fat ass (we all like fat asses) or size 36d boobs (nothing feels better, I tell you!) but about those females who think it is too much price to pay to shed off those flappy arms, Wimbledon  size tummies and extra large thighs to add color to the funky world of relationships.
Because dear Ms. Yokozuna,  just as we know that size of a man's tool matters to many a woman (please, don't pretend you don't know what am talking about!), so does your size matter in how guys treat a lady!

BETWEEN ANGELA MERKEL AND BEYONCE

In my consideration for who I might end up with for life , I seem to be attracted to two types of women. Let me introduce my kind of women, who I may say exist in two extreme parts of the feminine continuum: the Angela Merkels and the Beyonces!
A brief description should help out!
Angela Merkel: German chancellor, PhD holder in Physics ( I know a Nigerian head of state who is a PhD holder, politician, well connected(she is Obama's buddie o, please refer to G8 summit things),in her sixties ,prudent and hardworking(see the German economy if in doubt)!
Angela Merkels kind of women have seen it all and are in the relationship business usually for the long haul; they are intelligent, know their limits when it comes to make-ups and attaching cosmetic (a.k.a silicon) breasts to entice or keep their men in place. They are more like, 'what you see is what you get, so don't fret'!
Beyonce: singer, dancer, actor, feminist(a la girls run the world), 26th most influential celebrity in Forbes 2012 '100 most influential celebs in the world',in her early thirties, mother and Jay Z's missus!
Beyonces of these world are those who thing they run the world, or better still, that the world runs for them. They are always young, sweet looking, vain (what do you think vanity fair is for, stupid?), head turning, dramatic (O! I bought my boo a beach at the Bahamas for his birthday!) and false in a thousand places. (Ooops! There goes my false scandivanian eyelashes!)
Don't get me wrong, I like them both, one for the fact that my kids will grow up becoming A+ students who will come out of school, become ambassadors or even presidents and make daddy proud, and the other for the fact that I will make front page news for all the wrong reasons,have more of her type cueing up to have a go at me at any instance our love boat starts heading south which will make me proud as well!
But having said all this, I believe there is one major consideration that will ultimately help me make up my mind. Statistics!
Yes! Because after all is said and done, I guess the lady whose 36-24-36 turns me on the most gets to keep the ring.....and our joint account cheque book!

STAY SINGLE JAY Z, UNLESS......

Jay and I have been buddies for a decade now, so naturally we hang out late often. But in the last few weeks following the wedding of another friend,Useni, he just went into overdrive about 'settling down'!
The problem is Jay-z (that's what the guys call him) has decided to inundate us with the outcome of his research into matrimony with mind boggling statistics during our night time hang outs.
Did we  know that divorce rate had gone up by 25% at the turn of this century? Did we know that 50% of newly contracted marriages crashed in the first three years? Did we know that 90% of married men cheat on their newly weds in the first three months of marriage? Did we know that 60% of married women admitted to cheating their husbands at least once in their married life? Did we know that divorce rate amongst Nigerians was increasing by 10% year on year since 2000?
Last night, my man had another 'did you know' update for the table.
'Guys, did you know that statistics has it that more than 80% of married people do regret marrying their spouse because they get to run into someone else that had all the qualities they had in a life partner?'
Gosh, Jay Z, can't you ever stop? See no one is putting a gun to your head to sign the dotted lines (not totally true, because I know Marureen has a kitchen knife), no one can truly verify these figures and for sure, no one two persons destinies are the same!
I actually didn't tell him all of the above but the words played on in my head as the discussion snowballed into our normal arguments of 'for' and 'against'!
Now I know my guy is suddenly catching cold feet on the prospect of becoming a 'responsible' man but if he keeps up this frenzy on the minuses of wedlock and a life of 'happily ever after', I fear that his journey to the altar may be short lived and we may be welcoming our good old (and sober) Jay Z to a second life of singlehood, as a divorcee!
So Jay Z, make up your mind without the numbers or just remain single. That's all!

NO ROMANCE WITHOUT FINANCE!

'Guy, you are not romantic!'
Yeah, I get to hear that often, from a lot of my girlfriends over the years. Usually, this gets blurted out when I forget to call them first thing in the morning or last thing at night. Or when I get so engrossed in a book or a TV series whilst she sits beside me feeling bored. Or when I forget to pick up a gift when I go shopping for my vitals. Or when I forget her birthday! Or when am busy, deep in thought about my troubles, my challenges, my future and she is lying beside me yapping about some funky wedge that Bianca wore to Sunday service or so.....
Now what beats the hell out of me is the way our girls, Nigerian girls (or is it an African thing?) take this romance thing out of context. Where do they get their fantasies from? American romance films? South American soaps? Or from Mills and booms? For God's sake, Prince Charming only exists in Hollywood!
In our climes, when a man has to face the daily hurdle of poor and untimely paid remuneration, a devilish boss at work, the dangers of commuting on our pot-holed infested roads, spending so much to buy fuel for his generator so he can stay connected to his super sports channel and your African Magic, just mention a few, the last thing on his mind at the end of the day is holding your hands and rocking you to sleep.
Now am not saying a man shouldn't make serious sacrifices to keep his love life aflame but when the standard our girls use to measure a romantic is drawn from a society where a man is not his own government (providing for basic amenities that makes life livable), then my missy should try to appreciate the fact that if I don't whisper 'I love you!' morning, noon and night to her everyday, am doing so much more to stay true. At least my actions should speak volumes, isn't it?
And sadly, for a fact most of these dames that accuse guys of being stiff don't have an iota of the Cinderella charm that could draw out the Romeo trait in men!
So baby, when next you want to accuse me of not being a good lover boy , remember am hustling to get the finance to fuel our romance!

YOUNG, WILD AND FREE....

www.ventures-africa.com just blew my mind with the article 'How to build A multi million dollar online business in Nigeria' with an exposé on how a 30 years old Nigerian Tunde Kehinde and his Ghanaian friend he met at the prestigious Harvard Business School built an online business that started hitting the million dollars revenue mark in less than a year! Jeez, where the hell was I when this two got together to draft this deal?
I always feel impressed, depressed and obsessed whenever I read about the success stories of young,  hard working Nigerian men who have made a mark in their field of endeavors. Especially if they are single, and under 30!
Am no failure but when I look back and remember the fire I had in my early twenties after leaving University, fueled by my belief in God (unto born again things) and a retinue of motivational books and speeches from pastors, paperweight entrepreneurs and those in between, I really thought I would be a front page feature in every business magazine as Nigeria's new business wonder boy before turning a score and ten years.
Sadly, all energies channeled to a few business ideas and joining some social groups in the hope of getting a good network has left me still jumping out of bed and heading to the door for my nine to five J-O-B! And am way past 30 now.......
So I have been thinking, do I need to have a Harvard degree or school abroad to have the kind of pedigree to attain such a phenomenal feat as Tunde and co? Does my business have to be all techno savvy to attract venture capitalists from abroad? Do I have to keep living the fantastic life of being young, wild and free in my head only, and not enjoy the freedom of running my own business with passion, vision and conviction? I guess the answers to these questions are all blowing in the wind....
To those young Nigerian brothers home and abroad, who still have youthfulness, resilience and a dream to be their own bosses, I recommend this article to you as a source of inspiration.
May you be possessed with the spirit of entrepreneurship whilst you are still young, wild and free!

MONDAY MORNINGS ARE NIGHTMARES FOR REAL

I don't know who ever invented Monday mornings but truth be told, I dread waking up on Monday mornings!
Especially when you are a Nigerian banker living in a fast growing metropolis that has the signature dreadful traffic, bad road networks, zero electricity (there goes my morning tea), epileptic communication network services and a horde of unsatisfied and impatient customers who definitely will be on their way to my office as we speak.
What makes waking up so dreadful is usually that I try to catch all the fun Sunday nights can offer...sitting with my buddies, drinking beers and some local gin, talking about escapades and indulging in gossips about who got hooked this weekend, and who got dropped! Usually, our gathering always gets broken off a couple of hours after midnight with each man crawling back to the nest from where he came, sometimes with a bed in hand, sometimes not!
For me, I had discarded my bedside table clock which had its alarm set for 4:30am after I had realized it made me wake up later than the thirty minutes 'extra nap time' I hoped to catch before facing the day! Now I just gamble on opening my eyes intermittently and once the traces of the sun get sighted, I roll out of bed!
Today is worse...the rains are here! With my car at the mechanic's and no colleague with a vehicle living close by for me to hitch a ride, i dare say this Monday has started on a nightmarish note!

THREE IS A CROWD, LADY: DAY OR NIGHT!

As I get dressed for a date this evening with  Nina (girls and their funny names!), a bout of trepidation fills my mind! A thousand thoughts run through my head but a particular one keeps the alert bulb blinking. 

Yes, guys how many times have you played yourselves into a first date with a broad only to arrive the venue and find out that the dinner for two was actually going to become dinner for three, four or five persons, no thanks to your date who thought it safe (or smart) to bring along extra baggage?

I know I have found myself in that situation so many times and I must say I always felt a sense of betrayal and exploitation. 

Why agree to a first time outing with a man who obviously is interested in having some intimate moments with you and then bring along a chaperone ot two? Why should a discerning lady come along with an extra pair of legs without as much as considering the level of discomfiture the presence of another stranger will bring to the table?

I have heard many funny reasons why some of these girls engage in such uncharitable act. Some say they bring along another friend to make sure the guy's overtures doesn't extend to an invitation to his place. Others say they need a second opinion from a close confidant to help them assess the 'prospect'. 

But the most treacherous is the notion that the man must pay his way and gain the admiration, respect and endorsement of the girl's friends by showing how deep his pocket is. It is such unfortunate suppositions that bring about spectacles of embarrassment when the bill at a restaurant and the fellow's budget cannot meet. In the end, the girl and her friends all rise up and hurriedly say their 'goodbyes (to poor Harry) and leave Mr. Romantic to sort out his mess!

So as I head towards the door, I pause for a minute to confirm that My ATM card and enough cash are in my wallet. Don't know if I will be playing host to a crowd tonight!

That's what my eyes are for, stupid!

I wake up every day believing that members of my gender are an endangered specie.
With the way girls, ladies and even grannies dress these days, it will be tantamount to committing suicide not to pause and ogle at the various sections of anatomy on display.
From stretch marked booties to wrinkled pot-bellies to multi colored thighs to hairy legs to what-have you, nothing is left to the imagination as our womenfolk try to outdo one another in what i would call 'the contest of shame'!
Last week a really funny episode played out that got me thinking that if most guys (and right thinking females if i might add) could sign up to shame these daughters of Jezebel, we may be able to slow down the train of societal decadence these pack plan to run our sensibilities over with.
Now don't get me wrong! I love the show of cleavage, spotless thighs, well rounded ass and straight legs but please, I believe I speak the minds of most guys when I say 'give me a little something for an appetizer and not the whole meal, and not in public!'
Now back to my gist. I had boarded a taxi cab from work and after a few minutes drive we got stuck in traffic. On the driver side, there was this commercial motorcyclist with a female passenger dressed in a sleeveless blouse and a pair of low waist jeans that was way too 'low'! The upper quadrants of her  buttcheeks were so conspicuous one would have thought they were saying 'come and touch me, now!'
As usual, she made the motion of trying to cover the silly twins by drawing down her blouse which kept riding upwards.
As if on cue, the driver and I kept our stare squarely at the exposed flesh with the intent to get her to notice. She did!
For close to fifteen minutes while our vehicles crawled  side by side through the traffic we kept our eyes on Miss 'show me what your mama gave you' till we reached the intersection.
At that point she turned to face us and scream out.
'What are you people looking at? Shameless men! '
'We are just admiring your products! Are they fresh?' , the driver questioned.
'You guys are bushmen! Big fools!'
' Thank you, Madam civilized! But don't  think I will be ashamed to look at what you are advertising because that is what my eyes are for, stupid!' The driver had quipped!
Smart answer for a smart ass! And I dare say it is a smart answer for any crazy female who crosses that thin line that separates being civilized from being stone age and has the guts to question why I shouldn't indulge myself when she is busy flaunting her nakedness!

WITH LOVE, FROM YOUR DIGITAL LOVER

Dearest sweetestbootilicious4eva@lovenet.com,
Ever since I browsed my way thru d maze of social media
On d Internet, going from one website to anoda, from one blog space to anoda,
Looking for true love dat is viral, virtual and vicissitudinal
And found u at d precipice of time and space
My e-luv for yu has known no bounds!
Even though I only get to see yur dps and PMs on FB
And serenade on yur bb pings n pangs
I must say yu have satisfied my emotional drought in more ways
Than badoo, twoo, naijapals n sun girls can ever dream to,combined!
And though we may never touch each other physically or kiss in real life
I know from my heart dat what we have will last forever and ever!
So, I end this love note with this thought in mind which I share with u
That I will always be right here at the end of my keyboard waiting for your
E-luv as long as the Internet lasts!

With all my digital love,
Your digital lover...Me!

MY NEIGHBOUR IS A WOMAN WRAPPER!

My neighbor, Fred is a woman wrapper! It is as simple as that.
Or how else will you describe a guy whose only friends are women? For over a year since he moved into the self contained room beside mine, I have never seen any guy visit him, only girls...or should I say, ladies!
I should have known what to expect when I first set eyes on the effeminate man as he moved his things in. I should have known when he preferred taking soft drinks rather than lager beer the few times I invited him to accompany me for a sit out at the hang out down the road. I should have known when on several occasions that he hosted an array of fine girls at his crib and I had asked for a hook up, he tactfully frustrated my moves with false hopes that he would 'try' to talk to the girls in question.
O! I should have known better when a few times when the girls slept over at his place and I had hailed him on his stamina to perform, he had turned cold and told me that he wasn't that kind of guy who slept with everything in skirt. No, he wasn't sleeping with any of the ladies. They were just his
'friends'.
Well, I didn't know all that while, and perhaps I didn't care.
But right now I think I need to address this sissy of a man. Why? Because a new tenant just moved in 2 days ago. And what a beauty she is!
I had spotted her the very day she arrived my neighborhood with her truckload of household stuff. I had stayed in the safety of my room to watch as she instructed the loaders on how to move her things.
Well, Fred didn't. The punk had to go over to offer assistance and right now as I speak they have become friends.
This saturday morning, I have seen her go over to Fred's apartment with a couple of DVDs to spend sometime with the dude.
Now all hope of getting home delivery service is out of the question.
Just my luck to have a woman wrapper as a neighbor! Damn!!

A forgotten ear ring, g-string pantie and a pair of wedges!

I don't clean my house every weekend! Not that I need to, though but I sometimes try to silence a guilty conscience most Saturdays when I grab a book to read or go out for a swim instead of going through the motion of sweeping, scrubbing and dusting my pad.
Well, last Saturday I decided to do the clean up and gosh! what did I stumble on? First, an ear ring on my TV stand just beside my remote. Debbie's? Kate's? Mercy's? Whose was it? And for how long had it laid there?
Taking the clean up exercise a little further, I had packed my dirty clothes to the bin and as I tried to separate the colored ones from the white ones and underwears, behold a variegated colored g-string fell out from the bundle? Goodness gracious! This certainly is Monica's! And she was here about a month ago.
Not trying to let the findings to distract or haunt me I had moved on to my shoe rack to arrange my footwears. There, in the midst of the several pairs lying sprawled around the rack was a girl's pair of wedges? No doubt this was Aggie's. How on earth can a person forget something as obvious as that?
Really scared to stumble on another 'plant' within my territory, I called off the clean up exercise with a puzzle on my mind: how comes a girl forgets such incriminating things in her man's house unless it is to ward off competition?

THE FIRST DAY OF MY NEW LIFE

Woke up around 2a.m and haven't gone to sleep yet. The time is 5.03am and as I write this blog I realize a new world has opened up to me. I've got my iPad. I've got my home, crib, lounge, pad....call it what you want to. I've got a million experiences, issues, crazy thoughts I want to share with the world, or at least peeps in my world. I've got a boring bank job I look forward to leaving very soon. And guess what? I just got a blogspot where I can let everything out and be who I really am.
It is a brand new day and am glad that the next chapter of my forever has been handed to me.
Thank you, Providence! Thank you, dear reader,follower, those who will make it their routine to stop by my blogspot to contribute, critique and even ignore my articles. I appreciate you in advance.
Welcome to The Bachelor's Pad!