WHAT YOU NEED IS A ROBOT WITH A DICK, MISSY...

As much as I am a firm believer of the fact that a man's place in a mutually exclusive relationship is that of leadership, I am also a strong advocate of women's equal rights with all its confusing interpretations especially by a cross section of the Nigerian womenfolk. I long for the day when a woman will invite me for a date and buy me lunch! Yes!!

So believe me when I say I had an interesting experience lately with a young woman who is a staunch proponent of the women liberation movement; drives her own car, pays her bills, not afraid to voice her opinions, not afraid to strike up an affair with any man she is interested in, and definitely not afraid to 'put' a man in his place. Just believe me.

I was all in agreement with all the above characteristics of my lady friend until I saw a pattern playing out by our third day together. Things that made me put on my thinking cap and do a retake of the unfolding episode.

First, I realised that she had all her outings planned out with me in tow....as her driver. To buy a phone for a relative, to go movie watching, to attend a cousin's wedding event, to make her hair.

In between these chaperoning exercise, she had me holding her phones, carrying her bag, helping her open doors and taking photographs of her at every turn.

Next, she always had a comment to say about how I laughed or frowned in public, how funny looking my outfit was, why I hadn't picked up the phone after about two rings when she called or why I wasn't acting romantic by cuddling her when sand flies fed on her.

By the second meeting, I already knew enough not to encourage this control freak of a woman but what helped me decide to wake away from the emotional wreck was when she couldn't hide her jealousy and sense of neediness on the third day.

Agreeing to another exclusive date the previous night, I had run into a bosom friend who I hadn't seen for years. I had to put off the date for later to catch up on old times with my buddy and when she called to know why there had been a change in plan, I apologised and assured her we still had time within the day for the get together. Her remarks and display of tantrum which I had put on speakerphone for my friend to witness betrayed what an insecure, rebellious and dangerous person I had been dealing with.

After she hung up, my friend asked me what all the hullabaloo was about and I told him everything.

His words still linger in my mind till this day: 'Guy, what that woman needs is not a man friend. What she needs is a robot with a dick.....'

Yeah, I couldn't agree better.